Bookmarks and Folded Corners

California Primaries

2010-06-09T15:31:00.000-07:00

What have we learned from the California primaries?

Well the GOP candidate for governor will be setting up an internet exchange so states can buy and sell new, almost new, used and surplus citizens. This will do two significant things. First, it will allow California to trade in citizens they do not want, and other states to purchase citizens they do want. California can even accept a fee for the transactions between other states. Who knows, it could go international. Some day countries may even be able to buy and sell citizens.

Meanwhile the GOP candidate for the senate plans to transition a number of Californians into another state, while looking for opportunities to merge with another state. While some may suggest a state that has a significantly different base (Wyoming, Texas, Alaska), others look to a merger of similarities (Florida, or even New York.) This will allow them to continually improve the value of the products and services offered to customers. It will also excellent opportunities for companies, err states, to grow and prosper.

Is Lunz dishonest, or merely an idiot

2010-05-02T19:14:00.000-07:00

Frank Lunz - Why the Dodd Financial Services Bill is bad for ..Democrats

Frank Lunz, in a recent opinion piece/swiftboat, has again shown that facts, logic, and intellectual honesty are not barriers to forming an opinion – at least for the spin doctors in the GOP. Even a quick read of Lunz’ piece shows quarter truths and obfuscation working overtime to make the GOP’s opposition to the Financial Regulation bill look like a win for main street.

Lunz ”But here's where it gets really interesting. The Democrats supporting the current legislation have assured an anxious electorate that whatever funds are used to create whatever regulatory scheme created will come from the banks, not the taxpayers. Let me emphasize that so that even casual readers will catch it: the Democrats promise that you won't pay for their legislation, banks will.

Really?
Since when have corporations ever paid taxes, fees or penalties? Employees end up paying in the form of lower salaries and benefits. Customers end up paying in the form of higher costs.”
So the argument is:
(1) Corporations never pay taxes fees penalties. Well a quick Google shows that SEC fines were among their lowest in 2007 -when the economy started to dissolve – but it also shows $50 million dollar fines to McAfee in 2006, $50 million dollar fine to GE in 2009, $30k fines in April to Stansbury, among many others from a variety of agencies. Since it is a required charge to banks above a certain size to pay into the insurance pool, how are they going to get out of paying this? Of course, there is not an explanation.
(2) Employees end up paying in the form of lower salaries and benefits. Well, I am not sure how much of Main Street is worried about the Salaries of Goldman Sachs, or the executives of JP Morgan/Chase, BOA or Wachovia.
(3) Customers end up paying in the form of higher costs. First, does anyone really have a Goldman checking account or a Bear Stearns ATM card? Of course they don’t, because the product doesn’t exist. Second, this ignores Economics 101. Price is set primarily by what the market will bear, and added costs will reduce profits, but it will not necessarily create new checking taxes. Third, (well or Part two of number two), this big bank fee will actually make smaller banks more competitive. The neighborhood bank will have a lower cost of doing business than the biggest banks, so it could be easier for them to provide cheaper services. Wouldn’t that be good for Main Street!

Lunz “More than 130 companies have publicly hired lobbyists seeking their own loophole. Mars Candy wants to continue to use derivatives to hedge against price hikes in sugar and chocolate, so they've hired a lobbyist. Harley Davidson wants to protect dealer financing of their bikes, so they've hired a lobbyist. And eBay wants to not harm its subsidiary, PayPal, so they've hired ... well ... a team of lobbyists.”

Lenz, not unsurprisingly, fails to mention that farmers have used derivatives as a hedge against price shocks and variable harvests. Does he want to ban them and hurt farmers? Furthermore, he also ignores the fact that the bill does not provide loopholes while banning derivatives.

Lenz closes by blaming Blanche Lincoln’s troubles on the health care bill. This would be perfectly accurate, except she was struggling well before the bill’s passage.

Ah, how easy it would be to make an argument in a world where honesty does not reside.

5 recent reads, and a sixth that makes you go Hmmmm

2010-04-21T06:27:00.000-07:00

Robert Kuttner - "Fraud At Last"

…Paul Volcker was right when he quipped that the last useful innovation produced by the banking system was the ATM machine. For something like three decades, the financial part of our economy has become a world unto itself, consuming over 40 percent of all corporate profits by 2006, the last year before the crash…

We need a drastic, radical simplification of the financial system. That means breaking up large institutions that are too big to fail, and breaking the rice bowl of ones that add nothing to broad economic welfare and efficiency other than an opportunity for the own enrichment at the general expense. To get there politically, we first need to expose the full extent of the fraud, and we need a Democratic Party that reverts to its New Deal role as the party of regular people rather than its Clintonian role as a second party of Wall Street….

Fact Checker for Lost

…But fight scenes are nothing compared with flight scenes. The plane, Nations says, “is the bane of my existence.” The task of keeping, say, row numbers straight in a hectic production on a cramped set makes his stomach turn, especially as they’ve filmed essentially the same scene over multiple seasons. …

Pictures of Various Countries' Antarctica Bases

Bradford DeLong Reports that GOP opposes Solomon as Judge.

In a press conference last midnight, Senators McConnell and Hatch reacted to a report by Jeremiah that YHWH had secretly met with Solomon ben Davi in a dream at Gibeon and planned to nominate him. "We question whether YHWH understands what makes a good judge," they said in a joint statement…

A Flash game (not the program - the super hero)

To put it plainly, I just don't see how one could work. My reasons:

The Flash is all about speed. His greatest power is supposed to be his ability to move near light-speed. How exactly are you supposed to portray that in a game? Moving at those speeds, it would be impossible to control the Flash with any kind of precision. You can't use trickery either, like slowing down the rest of the world while Flash moves at normal speed. It would work, but it just wouldn't be Flash. You wouldn't have that sense of speed….

And Worth a re-read.

McClatchy on How Moody's and others sold their ratings

…The Securities and Exchange Commission issued a blistering report on how profit motives had undermined the integrity of ratings at Moody's and its main competitors, Fitch Ratings and Standard & Poor's, in July 2008, but the full extent of Moody's internal strife never has been publicly revealed.

Moody's, which rates McClatchy's debt and assigns it quite low value, disputes every allegation against it. "Moody's has rigorous standards in place to protect the integrity of ratings from commercial considerations," said Michael Adler, Moody's vice president for corporate communications, in an e-mail response to McClatchy.

Insiders, however, say that wasn't true before the financial meltdown.

(Does anyone else think find it interesting that Moody’s has started a lot of whispering about lowering the ratings of U.S. Government Bonds while the Senate discusses regulating Moody’s? I suppose it is just a coincidence)

This is a Big Forking Obvious Statement

2010-03-24T20:43:00.000-07:00

As virtually all of you know, Veep Joe Biden recently commented to President Obama, DURING the LIVE, RECORDED SIGNING CEREMONY, that the signing of the health care bill was a...

"Big Fudging Deal."

I have been scouring the internet for other profane statements of the obvious, and here is what I have found...

Neil Armstrong during his famous walk, actual said "This is one big Fish Taco step for mankind."

Al Michaels, at the 1980 Winter Olympics, actually said "Do you believe in Miracles - man This is a Big Flapping Deal."

Alexander Graham Bell's first words on the telephone... "Mr. Watson, Come here - I want to see you... Now Mr. Watson, this is a big frumpy deal."

And in a strange anachronism, scouring the Richard Nixon tapes - you find Haldeman telling Nixon. "This Watergate thing, it is important. it is a big Joe Biden Deal."

A Few idle thoughts on the Teaparty movement, Facebook ads, and the general absurdity

2010-02-07T20:02:00.000-08:00

Popped onto Facebook only to see a dozen more ads for various GOP and/or Tea Party Candidates. One of them states "Help fight the Pelosi/Reid/Obama agenda!" Fight it? I want their agenda! I voted for it and will again! I think we need more regulation of the financial industry, health care reform and environmental reform! I keep flagging them as offensive, but cannot just see more of the same.

Speaking of which, does anyone else find the concept of the Tea Party just a touch ironic. Lets Compare:

* The Boston Tea Party was about taxation without representation (high Tea taxes to pay for non-colony expenditures and the colonies had no Parlimentary representation - no voice on tax policy.

* Present Tea Party (and GOP behavior) is all about obstructing any and all activities of the majority. In some cases representatives of 14% of the population (or less) is controlling the debate - if anything the rightful descendents of those revolutionaries is the rank and file Democrat who is watching their goals for improving our country being stymied by a vocal few FOX aristocrats and their lackeys.

* It is also interesting that the Tea Party seems so interested in lower taxes even though we have some of the lowest taxes in the developed world. Also interesting that so many seem to be of Medicare age, but are protesting government run health care.

My response to Dan Boren's letter

2009-07-29T15:03:00.001-07:00

(This is my response to his response, unfortunately I do not have my first letter to Representative Boren.)

Dear Representative Boren,

Thank you for the response. I would like to take a minute to address some of your comments and conclusions. You are completely correct that we have ramped up our energy usage dramatically in the past 30 years. You are also correct that a "Cap and Trade" program would drive up the costs of traditional fuels which would make " green energy sources, whose cost have always been higher, more competitive in the marketplace." However, you omit or ignore two factors. First, the reason that traditional fuels are cheaper is because there are costs of these fuels do not contain the pollution and environmental damage that results from acquisition and use of these traditional fuels. Cap and Trade would make the market more honest and respect the costs that are not associated with basic production. Second, the green energy sources are more expensive because they are so small and limited. If they could compete on an even playing field with other fuels then there would be innovation and expansion that would drive green energy pricing down while providing a more honest price for traditional fuels.

The Cap and Trade bill is not merely an environmental bill will improve our national security position by reducing our dependence on foreign energy sources as well as insulating us against demand generated, production generated, or conflict generated price spikes. Japan weathered the energy price increases of 2007-2008 more successfully than our country because they have a much more effective efficiency program combined with their focus on renewables.

The same comments about job loss were made when we had the effective Cap and Trade program for SO2 which was an incredibly successful program to reduce SO2 emissions and acid rain. A few years ago Texas Instruments had the opportunity to build a new wafer plant in China or Singapore. Instead they built it in Richardson Texas, using green tools to reduce the energy usage during building and the energy footprint of the building. More thought in the building, planning and design work resulted in a construction cost of 30% less per square foot than the previous building with expectations of 20% less in energy usage and 35% less in water usage. So even if cap and trade increased costs 6% there would still be a net savings of 16%. On a side note, I would personally prefer the computer chip jobs to the concrete plant jobs for our cities and towns.

Companies can only charge what the market will allow; they cannot raise prices just because their costs increase or they will price their product out of the market. While there might possibly be a few companies that are at risk of movement (though I haven’t seen any research to support this claim) most companies are not as portable as you assume. For example, utilities cannot move to China to produce electricity for our local communities.

Furthermore, we are losing jobs right now because American companies who are in the green technology business are moving overseas to be closer to the businesses and governments which buy their products. Energy efficiency and renewables are the future of industrial innovation. How are we going to provide these jobs, produce these jobs or develop the technology if we have no experience in green technology?

Yes it will increase the cost of energy in Oklahoma. That is primarily our fault for allowing our environmental standards to be so lax for so long. We allow pollution, coal plants cover the state, and artificially low energy prices - prices that defer the costs to the environment and the health of its citizens. I see the coal trains often and coal generated pollution from the OG&E plant every day on my way to and from work. It seems that every month more friends and acquaintances are developing asthma. Isn't improvement in this area this really worth the few dollars more per month - $175 per year based on the CBO estimates?

You mentioned a windfall in California. California has been concerned about pollution since the 1970's and have very strict environmental policies, if that long term vision results in a rewards, well, I would call that a return on investment the resulted in their economy growing much faster than that of Oklahoma.

On a personal note, I also know that we recently reinsulated our home and replaced our furnace and air conditioner. Since making these changes in January we have seen between 30 and 40% reduction in KWH. Imagine what would happen if people had even more encouragement to address their efficiency. If we combined this with smarter grids and tools so that energy companies could profit as much by encouraging efficiency as selling more power we could be leaders not followers.

You also mentioned concern about the limited overall impact of the Cap and Trade provisions. You are correct that China and India will not be party to this law. However, I am somewhat disturbed that you would compare us so easily to these countries and define what we should or should not do not by whether it is the right thing to do, but whether or not other countries are doing it as well. That is akin to saying you cannot make certain every child gets a healthy breakfast so why even try to provide any children as possible with a healthy breakfast. Or on a governmental level, since Arkansas isn't working to improve water quality why should we try to improve water quality - the water won't be perfectly clean.

This point also ignores the fact that development of cleaner and more efficient technologies will allow us to sell these products to China and India on a massive scale. China is already buying the new more efficient GE diesel locomotives (as is Brazil and Mexico) because they are so much cheaper to operate over the long term - not because they are the cheapest thing to purchase. China has a horrible pollution problem already, imagine if we could sell them truly efficient carbon scrubbers, software and hardware that would improve electrical efficiency, better solar power tools, and the list goes on and on. We need Cap and Trade to stimulate these industries and encourage more investment. This is about pricing fossil fuels accurately based on the environmental impact, and not encouraging wasteful energy policies based on artificially low traditional fuel pricing which ignores the long term impact of productions and use.

Respectfully Yours,

Darren Magady

Letter from Dan Boren

2009-07-29T14:55:00.000-07:00

Recently I wrote Dan Boren (the Representitive to Congress for this district) a letter expressing my disappointment that he did not have the foresight and courage to support the Cap and Trade Bill. Yes it is a flawed bill, as all are, but it will be a big step in the right direction.

This is his response to my letter.

Dear Mr. Magady:

Thank you for contacting me about H.R. 2454, the American Clean Energy & Security Act, commonly referred to as the "Cap and Trade" bill, which includes an attempt to address the issue of climate change by creating a market to control carbon emissions. I always appreciate the opportunity to hear from concerned Oklahomans, and welcome the opportunity to share with you my views on the issue.

H.R. 2454 is designed to limit greenhouse gases produced within the United States by capping the level of carbon and other gases emitted by companies, and by initially issuing and eventually selling pollution "allowances" for those levels that extend beyond the cap. Over a twenty year period, the cap would continually grow more and more restrictive, driving up the costs of using traditional carbon-emitting fuels and making green energy sources, whose cost have always been higher, more competitive in the marketplace.

While I strongly support initiatives to develop alternative energy and incorporate them into our national energy portfolio, I have consistently argued that we must also balance our economic and national security priorities with our environmental priorities. Over the past three decades, U.S. Energy demands have increased dramatically, making us increasingly dependent on foreign energy sources. The most relevant energy challenge facing our nation is escalating demand coupled with finite domestic sources. It is critical that a national energy policy reflect a balanced mix of domestic production of reliable energy resources, including natural gas, development of domestic renewable energy sources, improvements in our infrastructure and a commitment to conservation.

In contrast, the climate bill in question poses a grave threat to the US economy by driving American jobs into other countries. As caps on emissions grow more restrictive, so will the cost of domestic production. The legislation assumes companies will seek other forms of energy, but historically companies faced with driving costs imposed by the government naturally seek cheaper places to operate business, leading to the outsourcing of jobs and industry to countries with less exacting standards. Additionally, the bill would directly send billions of tax dollars overseas in the form of "international emission offsets," in order to subsidize similar environmental measures that foreign governments themselves refuse to shoulder.

On its most basic level a cap and trade system will increase the cost of doing business and increase the price of energy for Oklahomans. Businesses and local utilities will be forced to pass the burden of fees onto consumers in order to stay afloat, at a time when the average American is already under intense economic strain. The disproportionate cost burden created by the unfair distribution of emission allowances will be most severe for states like Oklahoma, where commissions and utilities have worked hard to keep electricity rates low. Oklahomans will likely see double-digit percentage increases on their utility bills, while states like California will receive windfall benefits.

These economically burdensome measures have no guarantee of any significant benefit to the global environment. Europe implemented a similar cap and trade program years ago, with questionable effects. In Belgium, for instance, environmental standards were raised too high for cement companies to remain financial viable. They relocated to Morocco, where they could operate with virtually no environmental regulations. Pollution did not lessen; it merely relocated to a new home, taking jobs along with it. Today the economies of China and India are expanding rapidly, and are not about to limit their commercial development by adopting punitive environmental measures.

Finally, even if HR 2454 goes according to plan, its impact on the global environment will be negligible at best. The United States accounts for 25% of global greenhouse gas emissions. The cap and trade bill aims to reduce our emissions by 15% over the next twenty years. Even if we accomplish this goal, it will result in a mere 4% reduction in global gas emissions.

I believe that there are more practical and cost effective ways to both protect the environment and to preserve American business interests. For this reason I have sponsored HR 1835, The New Alternative Transportation to Give Americans Solutions Act (NAT GAS Act). This bill offers tax incentives to encourage vehicles powered by natural gas, which run cleaner than gasoline and diesel powered engines and rely on a source of fuel abundantly found throughout the United States. Exchanging one traditionally fueled garbage truck with one fueled by natural gas is the environmental equivalent of taking 300 cars off the road.

America cannot mandate environmental reform to developing nations like China or India. If we are to make a real impact on global climate, it must be through innovation and not self-constraint. This can best be achieved by offering tax incentives to businesses, in order to develop green technology through the private sector rather than in spite of it.

The "Cap and Trade" bill is risky and ineffective, and I voted against it for those reasons. Please rest assured that I will continue working to provide viable alternatives to the economic and environmental challenges facing our country. I hope I can count on your support.

Respectfully Yours,

Dan Boren
Member of Congress

A Few Thoughts on The Short, Fast Career of Sarah Palin

2009-07-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

Wowser, I was very shocked to see that Sarah Palin is leaving the post that she was elected to after only, what, 30 months. A few things hit me while watching her speech.

1) You are governor of Alaska, how do you with a straight face, say you can effect more change outside of government?

2) Did she just figure out people who hold elected office may end up as lame ducks?

3) What is it with these crazy speeches lately? First Sandford now this?

4) If she loves this country so much, couldn't she have let us focus on the 4th of July - she could have given her goofy speech on Monday as easily as Friday.

5) I would have felt more sorry for her and her family if she hadn't paraded them around all through the Presidental election... You can't attack others without being attacked yourself.

6) How long before we have an announcement for a book deal and tour.

Liberal is a good thing

2009-06-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

An interesting advertisment I found in the Wathena Times, October 1947. A lot ot look at, but what caught my eye was "Liberal Trade-In Allowance."

That combined with some rather ridicoulous comments by a certain unnamed individual on the NPR boards has made me thing about the word liberal, and how often this is an attack or insult, and how silly this is as an attack.

After all, would you rather your favorite store have a liberal return policy, or a conservative return policy?

Many people get a liberal arts degree.

Liberal and Liberty share the same root.

We are supposed to apply some things liberally (shampoo or sunscreen for example)

Wouldn't you rather have a boss liberal with bonuses.

How about parent liberal with praise?

Recent Reads - Gang Leader for a Day

2009-03-07T20:53:00.000-08:00

Gang Leader for a Day by Sudhir Venkatesh is a truly amazing, frightening read. Venkatesh spent almost ten years visiting Robert Taylor, a housing project encompassing 28 high rises, 16 stories tall, with more than 27,000 residents total. At times more than 95% of the residents were unemployed, and there were various turf wars for gang members.

The author chronicles his attempts to get a sense of how people lived in this home, how the gangs functioned (they were at a very high level of organization and business-sense because of the high concentration of people) how people were in finding ways survive; barter, scrambling for ways to earn extra income, stay safe, get things fixed when you didn't have the ability to pay bribes in order to get things fixed, etc.

The title actually applies to only part of the book, specifically the time that he spent with J.T. He examines the business and violence of gangs, disects the community benefits and well as the harm caused by the gang activity, as well as the amazing poverty of many of the lower level gang members - and the high level of obedience expected by gangs.

Other sections examine the hustlers, how people make money by repairing things, finding ways to steal electricity, fix cars, etc. in order to survive. It also examines the way many women work together, sharing baby-sitting, cooking, etc - often sharing several apartments since one may have hot water, another cable, a third heat, and a fourth a working stove.

It is hard not to question the author as his observations are so amazing, that said he shows us (he makes no conclusions himself) that all too often those in power cause harm by igoring the problems of the low-income people, then compounding the sin by ignoring what they have built when tearing it down. The demolishing of Robert Taylor removed any support system these people had.

A powerful and painful book to read, but an important one.

Others follow Blackwater's Lead

2009-03-07T15:14:00.000-08:00

Blackwater recently changed it's name to Xe (pronounced Zee) in an effort at 'rebranding. You can read all about it in the article below, but I imagine that if Xe is successful, then we will see a veritable avalanche of name changes - er rebrands.

General Motors in the process renaming their company Wal-mart in hoping to turn their profit margin around, Chrysler, as always confused on the concept is looking at the names Woolworth, Montgomery Wards, and Venture.

The World Coal Institute has renamed Coal - "Clean." So now instead of Coal Powered Plants, they will be referred to as "Clean Powered Plants."

Roland Burris is supposedly considering the names Honest Abe Burris, Integrity Burris, and Morgan Freeman (without the Burris).

Citigroup is hoping to use the name Make a Wish Foundation (after all they are wishing for more capital) while A.I.G. is hoping to change it's name to the Unsinkable Molly Brown... though many of us would recommend the Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight

Newt Gingrich is looking into Ronald Reagan, or at least Knute Rockne, Tom Daschle is wondering if a name change will result in tax forgiveness, while a number of GOP office holders are wondering if they call their party the Democartes they can confuse some people into votes.

The final one, Bernard Madoff is changing his name to Pizza. After all Everyone Loves Pizza!!!

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/government-inc/2009/02/behind_the_blackwater_name_cha.html

Stress Test

2009-03-05T08:28:00.000-08:00

As Many of you know, Obama, Geithner and Co. are about to put the banks through a stress test, I really can't imagine how they are going to put the banks through a stress test, but here is an excerpt from my experience...

I recently went to the doctor for the euphemistically called stress test. The test is designed to give you a heart attack so doctors can decide how likely you are to have another heart attack. It would be more accurate to call it a stress adventure, something akin to scaling El Capitan or swimming the English Channel.
Since doctors originally developed the concept of over-booking (before licensing it to the airlines) I arrived for my 11am Thursday appointment on Monday morning, complete with reading material, back pack, sleeping bag, tent, iodine tablets, camp stove, and rations. Unfortunately a man much too old to still drive rolled right over my tent, camp stove, and portable game system when he misread the “Patient Drop-Off” sign, thinking it was “Patient Drive-Thru” so I was forced to really rough it.
On Friday afternoon they finally “prepped” me. The test requires 50 little electrical lines to be attached to sticky pads placed on your chest. The pads are designed to fall off if even one chest hair touches them, but will remain sealed to bare skin for up to two years. This means the prep for most men includes shaving big patches of hair off your chest.
They use really dull single use razors without any moisturizer or shaving cream. You have to wonder why Bic and Gillette spend fortunes developing new razors when there is a big market for single use, very dull, disposable razors. I imagine that somewhere in the world there is a factory dedicating to making these “ultra-dull” razors complete with a foreman shouting, “We’re not Shick! Keep those blades dull!”

After dry shaving large swaths of hair off me, the “prepper” (I, of course, was the “preppie”) found two young ladies to examine the end result. They laughed and giggled, and one mentioned something like “he looks like a dog with mange”.
Shirt off, chest hair removed, I was moved to a closet so cold that Iditarod sled dogs would stay in their tents. Cables were connected to each of the sticky pads, and it all went to a mess of electrical equipment making it impossible to escape. A technician gave me an Echo-cardiogram - sort of a pre-test - which basically means that you get lathered in really cold goo then jabbed in the ribs with a plastic rod. I was then left, without even chest hair to keep me warm.
Four hours later 10 people crammed into the room. All were dressed in Antarctic cold weather gear. The doctor told me -through his muffler - to get on the treadmill and start walking. I hadn’t noticed the treadmill before because I never expected to see a treadmill mounted on a wall.
The nurses helped me onto the treadmill, telling me “it’s okay to hold on to the rails.” Of course I’ll hold on to the railing, how else was I going to stay on this torture machine. They start it up, and there I am, death grip on the railing swinging my legs like crazy. After a couple of minutes one nurse takes my blood pressure, while another cranks up the speed.
For the next ten minutes you flail around as the treadmill keeps getting faster and faster while everyone laughs at you. Periodically the doctor asks, “How are you doing?”
You naturally reply, “Awful, You’re making me run straight up a wall.”
His response is usually “Great! They need to take your blood pressure, so you will have to let go of the ceiling tile. Then we will speed it up, okay?”
My response at this point is, “GAAAAaaa.”
After ten minutes of this, they let you down – put you back on a table, and rub you down with more cold gel so a technician can do another sonogram. What was the result of all this misery? A couple of really strange, fuzzy sonogram pictures of my heart. 20 feet or so of butcher paper with some little squiggles – imagine a three year old with a pencil and an unlimited supply of paper, multiple bald spots on my chest…. and an appointment to do it all over again in 6 months.

Recent Reads: Pyramid Scheme & Pyramid Power

2009-02-24T18:29:00.001-08:00

First off, let me tell you these books have absolutely nothing to do with Bernie Madoff, finance in general, or just about anything else anchored in reality (though to be fair neither Madoff nor the investment banks were anchored in reality either.) Pyramid Scheme and the sequel Pyramid Power are jointly written by Eric Flint and Dave Freer.
Quick synopsis of the first book. Weird alien device shaped like a black 5 sided pyramid lands in the middle of the U. of Chicago campus and starts sucking up people who have a lot of gullibility or anger. Like the blob it grows with every snatch. It also grabs anyone in contact with the person it was trying to snatch. (This is where it gets weird and really, really funny.) Those that are snatched are thrown into the middle of the Greek myths -though a few get sidetracked into the Egyptian myth. The characters we follow are dropped on Odysseus ship in the middle of his trek home. A biologist, a not very bright policeman, a mythography professor, and two soldiers match wits with Odysseus, Circe, Medea, Arachne, and the pantheon of Olympus in a very funny twist.... sort of Connecticut Yankee in Zeus' court. This book is light, quick, funny and has it's own take on the Greek Myth - for example, why does Odysseus get to go down in history when he was one of the least successful leaders ever. To misquote, he lost 1100 men while spending 20 years travelling only 500 miles and having his men ignore nearly every order he gave. If you like myths and/or fantasy and/or clever writing this is a good book.
Pyramid Power revisits the pyramid with many of the same characters, only this time we are in the Norse myths. While dealings with Odin, and especially Loki and Thor are entertaining this book is a little too familiar. It is fun but doesn't quite capture the spirit of the first book. While fun it just doesn't flow as well as the first book.

Recent Reads: Charlatan and Shakespeare: World as Stage

2009-02-19T17:59:00.000-08:00

I recently finished two books: Charlatan: America's Most Dangerous Huckster, the Man Who Caught him, and the age of Flimflam " by Pope Brock and "Shakespeare: The World as Stage" by Bill Bryson. Charlatan was an incredibly interesting book about John Brinkley, the most successful medical con man in the United States history and the editor of the then-fledgling American Medical Association Journal, Morris Fishbein.

Brinkley made millions, opening hospitals first in Milford, Ks. then in Del Rio, Texas to implant goat glands in men who have, well, let's just say goat gland implants were the 1930's version of Viagra. I could have done with less medical detail, but it was interesting to learn how Brinkley was actually the winner of the 1930 Kansas Gubernatorial race, but was cheated by collusion between the GOP and Demo's (both of whom later admitted it.) Brinkley, through his botched surgeries and the selling of colored water as various prescription formulas deserves to be thought of as a mass murderer, but he was also the forerunner of radio advertising - building a radio station in Milford, then when it was closed down by the FCC he opened one across the Mexican border from Del Rio. His station was eventually 1 million watts and could be heard across the country, blotting out local stations. Between ads for his hospital and his 'prescriptions' he introduced country and bluegrass to the U.S. - most people heard the Carter family for the first time on XERA, his Del Rio station.

Bill Bryson's Shakespeare book, like all of his books, is both an absolute hoot and a really interesting biography. Bryson gives us great imagery of England and especially London during the time of Shakespeare. He also gives an overview of some of the detailed research and studies on Shakespeare, and attacks the supposed 'other writer' theories with relish - laying out then tearing down one after the other, demonstrating the conjecture is not based on anything factual - one of my favorite points in the book is when he looks into the claim that "there is no evidence that Shakespeare ever owned a book." After acknowledging that this is true, he reflects on the other evidence and shows that we also have no proof that Shakespeare ever owned shoes or pants - yet we assume he did not spend his entire life naked from the waist down.
Anyone who loves Bryson's books, Shakespeare's plays or sonnets, or just the Elizabethan and Jacobean ages will enjoy this book.

Twittering and Twitching through Taxes

2009-02-10T21:06:00.000-08:00

Firing up the software, I have coffee and all my paperwork in front of me.
9:32 pm

Still updating, going to grab another cup of coffee.
9:47 pm

Whohoo green I scored a refund.
9:59 pm

Red, I pay. bummer.
10:04 pm

Green Yea!
10:05 pm

Red again, dang it.
10:06 pm

Still red.
10:10pm

Still red, better check the income boxes, must have typed something in wrong.
10:13pm

Great, fixed an error and now it is redder.
10:19pm

Coffee isn't doing it - I am getting a beer from the secret beer fridge (don't tell anyone about it).
10:20pm

Umm beer.
10:25pm

Checking numbers again - still red.
10:29 pm

Still red.
10:35 pm

Change income to $10 just to watch it turn green.
10:38 pm

Decided I will lose some liberties if I keep it at $10, correct income - yup red again.
10:44 pm

Time to start on deductions - I need another beer.
10:54 pm

Umm beer. Deductions here I come.
11:01 pm

Why is it still red?
11:05 pm

Why can't I deduct that? I need something stiffer than beer.
11:08 pm

Umm Scotch.
11:15 pm

Why can't I claim the cats as dependents? They can't even fill their water bowl or food.
11:19 pm

Boy this Scotch is smoother than I thought, better pour another glass.
11:24 pm

I know I paid more interest than that. I am calling Chase!
11:28 pm

Nice music, boy how did this bottle of scotch get sooo llooow so qucily
11:31 pm

Hung up phone. Wonder if liquor can be considered a tax preparation expense?
11:34 pm

Bottle empty. Box still red. Life Sucks! (Cat watches me cry)
11:58 pm

It's all good - so what if I have to pay taxes, people starving in Africa don't even have turbotax.
(Glad I found more booze though)
12:05 am

Stoopid compoter all blurrry. Grate I gottsta get me new monitor to finith my taxees.
12:28 am

Gonna go to bed, will finish in the morning, these taxes have given me quite a little headache. 12:48 am

Why is the house spinning! It must be a tornado!!! I must remember to stay away from flying monkeys!

12.55 pm

Tornado passed but I am gonna crawl to bed. Just to be safe.

1:01 am

What do you mean I didn't hit save!!!!!!!!!
9:30am

Just Finished Reading "Why We're Liberals"

2009-02-03T06:18:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading Why We're Liberals: A Political Handbook for Post-Bush America by Eric Alterman. An interesting book, and at moments truly enlightening. Part I tries, with limited success to try to define liberalism. It sets up the historically honorable liberal (everyone used to praise liberalism it seems) and the present ability of conservatives to define liberals however they want.

Part II, is titled Why they (liberals) Hate America - but it would have been more effectively titled "I know you are but what am I." This section, which is both more interesting and entertaining provides various claims made by conservatives about liberals (Liberals are love to tax, liberals hate religion, my favorite - liberals are so nasty) and disputes them with exhausting examples of how conservatives are even worse than liberals (hence I know you are but what am I). Alterman does a great job of proving that conservatives are worse at almost everything they accuse the liberals of being, and the exhaustive examples are both amusing and helpful, but that seems to be the value of the book.

We few, we happy few...

2009-01-28T20:47:00.000-08:00

We band of brothers... okay Henry V has nothing to do with my work, but few was right at work today. After being blanketed by rain, sleet, then some 5 inches of ice pellets, the town was shut down. Went to work this morning, instead of 50+ coworkers, I had ...9.

Observations:

Watched someone get stuck, while trying to pull a truck off the ice...

Was told by someone (after I mentioned we were sold out of generators) "boy you don't plan very well" bit my tongue rather than replying"neither do you"

It was interesting that the ability to get to work was inversely proportional to the distance travelled. Had people from 30+ miles away make it in and those 3 miles away call in.

People have really interesting priorities... a woman carrying a $400+ purse (I get dragged around shopping a lot) and $100+ jeans complaining that the $239 ventless heater was too much...

2009-01-22T07:59:00.001-08:00

Much has been made of the letter left by the outgoing President for the incoming President. Through a lot of subterfuge I have obtained a copy of the letter written by George W Bush to Barack Obama

Dear Sir/President,
I'm the former leader of the worlds largest country. I have been removed from office but have access to funds that are tied to certain "contracts." Unfortunately I must demonstrate I possesses of an savings account with $1 million dollars American to access these contracts which are worth more than $30 million dollars American.If you would provide to me the initial $1 million I will split with you the $30 million dollars 50/50. It will take around one week for me to access the funds then I will send you your $12 million dollars American.I am presently residing in the city of Dallas in the country of Texas and hope to hear from you soon.
Yours Truly,
Former PresidentGeorge W (puddinhead) Bush

Sea Kittens!???! What are sea kittens?

2009-01-14T10:57:00.001-08:00

A bit of background: there is a piece on NPR about PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). It talks about their new program to save the sea kittens. Sea kitten is the new terminology for fish and the site allows you to dress up fish and hopes that you will think fish are cuter by calling them kittens, so you will eat less fish. Well the story has exploded - with more than 700 comments and counting. Read the story and see the comments here. This is my contribution to the comments (with two very small edits)

I tried to cuddle my Sea Kitten
I put him in my bed,
I wrapped him up in covers,
a pillow for his head.

But suddenly an interruption
all whiskers, tooth and claws.
A sneaky, mean, old land fish
took sweet sea kitten in her mean old jaws.

She ran and hid with sea kitten
as I chased and yelled and cried
But I knew at once that dear sweet sea kitten
had done left me. He had died.

I have many memories
of our playful time together.
Our bicycle rides, our scrabble games
Drinking cocoa in bad weather.

I miss my little sea kitten
his flippers and his tail
I have nothing to remember my sea kitten by
but this one small fish scale.

Christmas Past - 2004

2009-01-05T05:37:00.000-08:00

Well another year has flown by. It’s raining and 45 degrees here on the second to last day of November and we’re hoping for a few nice days so we can hang the boxes of Christmas lights. We also need to plant a few bags of tulip bulbs very soon. With a very warm October and rainy November everything is falling behind.
Interestingly enough, we planted around 100 tulip bulbs last year but had no blooms. I didn’t know that we had a mole problem until February, when I walked through the beds and noticed all of the pock marks. After consuming nearly all of the bulbs, the moles got real uppity. We had 3 break ground, but not one bloom. Fortunately they left as soon as the tulips were gone, moles with very specific taste buds I guess. So this year we have to not only plant tulips, but also plant mole peanuts, and spray the yard with a mix that contains a lot of castor oil and sesame oil. From what everyone tells me, moles react the same way that people do when faced with castor oil - I’m not sure what the sesame oil is for, maybe they don’t like Chinese cooking.
This year was much much more normal than last year. No major surgeries, no minor surgeries. I did have 3 days in ICU and Phyllis had a 6 ½ month headache (yes one headache can last that long - and NO that headache was not named Darren, thank you!). An interesting little side note: if your stomach hurts you take a pill for your stomach, if you have congestion, you take a decongestant. If you have a headache, you don’t take something for your head, you take something for your headache? Seems like you would want to take something against your headache. This created some Marx Brothers moments “Is your headache worse?” “Yes” “That’s Good” (This is when I was hit by a shoe) “Well you don’t want your headache to get even better do you?” (the other shoe strikes me)…. The same is true with cough medicine. Cough syrups, cough drops, they don’t cause coughs…. Should be against cough drops I guess.
Anyway this year was a piece of cake after last year. No moving, no rogue deer attacking our car (oh and we are still getting 48-50 mpg with the hybrid). Phyllis is still in college, still upset when her ‘A’ isn’t a high enough ’A’, And really upset if she gets a ‘B’ which hasn’t happened often. After the winter semester she will be more than half way to her math education degree and we hope she can go to school full time in the fall of 2005.
Memorial Day Weekend we went down to Texas for the high school graduation of Troy and his stepsister Taige. I felt bad that we didn’t bring air horns to honk as did the friends and family of the other twelve thousand two hundred-fifty-eight graduates. (Okay so that’s an exaggeration but it was a big graduating class). Many thanks to Terry and Cheryl for the warm welcome and wonderful food that weekend. Two more years and it will be Tara’s graduation so there’s time to find an air horn - or maybe even a flashing light and siren!
Among the other experiences was playing DDR (that’s Dance-Dance-Revolution to the uninitiated) a dancing Playstation game. It’s sort of a noisy too-fast exhausting musical version of twister. Much more fun to watch than attempt - DDR is more of a workout than a cardiologist’s stress test.

We had quite a shindig this year for Fourth of July. Every year the church that is down the street has a big celebration, and about 10,000 people come to the pony rides, movies, music and fireworks extravaganza. Quite a turnout since there are only 40,000 in the city, and 100,000 in the county. (The turnout is bigger than the official Muskogee fireworks display which they moved to July 3rd because they couldn’t compete). We were fortunate to have Bobby & Lisa & Ethan & Logan, Donna, Jimmy, Brittany, Brooklyn, Sue, James and Sonja down for the Fourth. The fireworks started late, as usual -several neighbors entertained us by trying to burn each other’s houses down before the big show started - but well worth the wait. Once everything wound down, we discovered that our house can sleep 10 without much difficulty. We also found out that Ethan & I are the only voluntary early risers of the bunch. We had morning coffee -well I had morning coffee while he tried to eat every sweet in the house and go swimming again in the blowup pool.
In October, I decided to change out the light fixture in the bathroom (it only spent a year in the garage after we bought it). You would think that the all of the problems involved would be electrical - but no. First I took the old light off to find the sheet rock behind the fixture a loss (every time I tried to drive an anchor into the wall, it fell through). So as soon as Phyllis got home from work, we ran up to Lowes to buy a different light fixture, with a base that was broad enough to span the hole I made by repeatedly trying to put anchors in the sheet rock.
So we pick out the new light and it goes up piece of cake - then - I drop a battery down the sink. Skip to Sunday when I decide to get the battery out of the ‘P’ trap in the sink - 5 trips to Lowes later the sink is still out. It seems the former owners decided that they would use PVC cement on every piece of pipe under the sink. Also rather than use a straight piece of pipe, they used about 8 different fittings so that we had to cut everything out from the wall to the sink. And if that wasn’t enough, I managed to mess up the shut off valve for the cold water, and we had to cut it out and replace that as well. So we ended up spending twice as much in plumbing supplies as we did on the light fixture.
We apologize for being late with the Christmas Letter. In our ongoing attempt to confound the medical profession Phyllis contracted a non-contagious strain -No one has explained how you catch a non-contagious strain of anything yet - anyway Phyllis caught Whooping Cough. This threw our Christmas set-up plans for a loop and we didn’t finish the letter, or get the lights up. I did manage to get the bulbs in the ground so we will either have fat moles or tulips come April. Unfortunately you won’t be able to read about our 102 trick-or-treaters (who came on October 30, not Halloween we didn’t have any trick-or-treaters on Halloween), or the other adventures in landscaping we had when ripping some bushes out of the yard, or our inflatable decorations crazy neighbors who have 100+ inflatable and we featured on ’Out of Control Christmas’ on HGTV.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
Darren & Phyllis
Christmas 2004

Christmas Past - 2005

2008-12-24T21:01:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Christmas Letter 2005
Yes Chicken Little, the Sky Really Is Falling

Greetings and Happy Holidays! It's the end of November here in Muskogee Oklahoma. It's a chilly 65 degrees (!?) and I am in our office looking out the window at one neighbor mowing their lawn while the people across the field from our backyard set up more and more 10' tall blow-ups.
First I guess I should explain the title, we need to go back to Labor Day, 2005 - forever to be known as the day Darren broke the house (no breaking a leg or a lamp isn't enough for me). Started out like any normal day, Phyllis and I picked out a new ceiling fan for our bedroom and we were installing it. Unfortunately the bracket that supported the old ceiling fan wasn't doing its job so the fan hung at quite an angle.
We couldn't take the bracket down from below so I had to go up in the attic take the old bracket down. Well I am up on the studs prying the bracket off since the adjustment screw wouldn't work either and....can you guess what happens next......
But more about that later in the letter, back to November and December. We are now decorated for Christmas with lights on the outside (care of me). On the inside, Phyllis has Christmas in every room, including (but not limited to) 3 large Christmas trees, 3 miniature trees - one in a bathroom. Other than the closets and the garage our house is Christmas central.
We had Thanksgiving at our house for the first time, 21 people total, including our new niece Ashlyn Eldridge (at 6 weeks old she didn't do much dining). We had turkey, ham, pecan pie, pumpkin pie, Oreo cookie pie, coconut cream pie, apple pie, French silk pie chocolate cake, many different cookies, candies, chocolates, mashed potatoes, chicken & dumplings, stuffing, macaroni and cheese, macaroni salad and a wonderful time was had by all.
112 trick-or-treaters came to our door this Halloween, not bad for a cold, rainy Monday (I don't know why Halloween had to be the colder than any other day before Thanksgiving). Phyllis is still plugging away at her math education degree. At this point a lot of her homework looks and sounds more like Greek (literally) than any math I remember. She no longer works at Muskogee High School since her required classes are now offered during the day. She is substitute teaching a couple days a week at the Hilldale school district.
She has also gotten a little club crazy, and is a member of the French Club, Student Educators Club, NSU Harry Potter Club, and Math Club (I think there may be a few others as well). She will be a junior at the end of spring 2006.

I guess it is time to finish our little ceiling story, where were we - oh yes, I was up in the attic removing the bent ceiling fan bracket and Phyllis was on the ladder after handing me the hammer so I could pry the bracket off when... BOOM... we have direct access from our bedroom to the attic - a nice big 4'x4' opening. I am not certain what was the funniest moment: me laying on my back trying to figure out where I was, Phyllis (who was struck by the ceiling as I came bouncing down) worried not about her injuries, or mine, but only about the fact that she would track insulation into the rest of the house if she left the room. It might have been when we looked back up in the hole to see light and thought the ceiling was on fire - it was just the flashlight that managed to stay in the attic. It may have been my strangely calm phone call to Alice & Jerry "Oh by the way I fell through the ceiling."
Alice & Jerry came to the rescue, helped us clean up the pile of insulation that was everywhere, found us a contractor who could do the repair, and Jerry patched the gaping hole in the ceiling. We can't thank the two of you enough for your help. Without you, we would likely still be alternately staring up into the hole and looking at each other,
"What do you think we should do?"
"I don't know, what do you think we should do"
"Whatever you think is best"
"No it's your call."
The room is finally completed with flat ceiling - no more popcorn texture -and crown moulding. Phyllis has even been dropping hints that I need to 'climb into the attic' and change another fixture or two, I think she wants new ceilings throughout the house.

For the first time since 2002, we have had no overnight hospital stays - though we did have three scheduled outpatients between the two of us. Still this is much better than our previous years. I guess that would explain why the local hospital announced that it was encouraging some 40 employees to take early retirement.
What else has happened... as many of you know every fall we plant a hundred or so tulip bulbs and every spring we watch them sprout then disappear as the moles dine at Chez Magady. Well this year we kept about 40 of our tulips, after all of the castor oil tricks, various chemicals, peanuts and combinations what defeated the moles? Two 99 cent pinwheels stuck in the ground scared the moles away. I don't know if it was the vibrations caused by the spinning wheel (some people's scientific theory) or the moles just thought they were aggressive attack plants, or they laughed themselves to death but the pinwheels worked. Next year we may skip the tulips and just plant pin wheels.
I hope all of have a wonderful and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Christmas Letters Past - 2006

2008-12-23T08:31:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2006

It is time to hang the lights again. For the first time, it was actually warm as I hung Christmas lights. Initially, this seemed like quite a bonus; no stiff, frozen fingers, no wintry breezes, just outside getting some vitamin D while climbing on ladders and the roof. Unfortunately warm weather means the bugs are still out. The minor event was when I stumbled across an occupied wasp nest. There were several of the pesky critters, and even though Phyllis had charitably allowed them to live rent free they were not all that friendly.
After much whooping, waving of arms and a liberal spraying of Wasp-Be-Gone, the wasps and I came to an understanding. Ironically that wasn’t even the first insect incident of the day since I earlier met up with the king of spiders. (Okay, a spider isn’t really an insect but how could I pass up “insect incident?”) How big was the spider? Well, if you are of a certain generation you will remember the ants in an old movie called Them. If you are a Harry Potter fan, think Aragog. If neither of these help, imagine the biggest dog you have ever seen, then imagine a spider big enough to eat that dog.
Phyllis and I recently received a very nice Christmas card from former President Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter. Now I can honestly say I don’t remember the last time we heard from the Carters, but the letter they wrote was very touching (not as humorous as my Christmas letters, but we each have our specific talents).
The Carters talked a lot about some of the recent accomplishments of the Carter Center – working to defeat guinea worm and river blindness in Africa, as well as AIDS prevention in Third World countries.
While reading the letter I realized that many of you probably don’t know about our foundation: The Magady Center for Home Improvement and Technology Studies (M-FITS for short). Not having the soap box of the Carters (and being 100% privately underwritten) our foundation has a much narrower focus. For example, we are in the midst of a 3 year examination of replacement windows. Each year we replace a window then research the difference in temperature and utilities between the old window and new window. We hope to complete our study by 2009.
We are also in the middle of a 5 year study of the Toyota Prius. Our research is examining fuel economy with a specific focus on whether men or women are more successful at achieving higher better miles-per-gallon scores. Unfortunately conclusions based on the preliminary data are in dispute. Our female analyst claims that the data proves women our much more efficient drivers. The male analyst feels the data is too incomplete to make any conclusions. I (I mean the male analyst) also feel that the female analyst is using her superior math education to skew the data by creative rounding. Though the male analyst cannot prove it, but he suspects that the female analyst may be inserting something called “imaginary numbers” into the male driver’s data.
Phyllis is interested in a program on food preparation: specifically she has collected an enormous amount of data on food prep times in a ‘dated’ kitchen. She hopes to compare this data to prep times in a ‘remodeled’ kitchen and prove that the time required to prepare dinner is directly related to the age of the kitchen (newer kitchen – less cooking time).
I hope to soon produce a study of gaming systems. Many of you know that Sony, Nintendo, and Microsoft have recently released new game systems. Reviewers have examined the plusses and minuses of each system from a “playability” or “fun” perspective. I hope to examine each of the game systems from a caloric standpoint. Does one game system help you burn calories more efficiently than the others? Does one game system increase stress, while another is a stress release?
These are questions that need to be answered, problems that need to be studied, so Phyllis and I are addressing them.
*
I am happy to say we have had a pretty smooth year on the remodeling front. No disastrous ceiling fans, no big plumbing mishaps. We have new guttering and have removed the peculiar little half-wall in front.
A few things to keep in mind if you plan to do your own brick wall demolition: 1) Brick is really really heavy, especially when you are tearing stuff down then tossing it in your pickup. 2) The weight of brick is not constant – I did several studies and the sections of wall that weighed 10-15 lbs while laying in the yard were upwards of 425lbs by the time you carry them 20 feet to the pickup. 3) If your pickup is full of brick, your gas mileage will suffer. 4) If you take 1500 lbs of broken brick to the dump after it has rained, the dump will be very muddy. 5) Not only does this mean you will get muddy, but also that you will get stuck after you lighten your pickup by dumping the bricks. You then have two choices: put bricks back in your truck to add weight or convince the guy in the bulldozer – the one laughing at you– to pull you out.
Phyllis was tested for allergies this year. After some 160 sticks (Phyllis was a very very brave little girl) we discovered that Phyllis is, well, allergic to the outdoors. Her biggest reaction was to something called Russian thistle. We thought this would be okay as we weren’t planning any trips to Russia in the near future. Unfortunately we discovered that Russian thistle is one of the most common weeds in Oklahoma. Pretty much anything else that is outside– including our grass (Bermuda) and the tree in our front yard (Sycamore) – produced an allergic reaction.
We have much to be thankful for this year. We saw Tara’s graduation this summer, where Terry & Cheryl again welcomed us to their home for the graduation celebrations. Earlier we had the opportunity to see my father inducted into the Lee’s Summit High School Hall of Fame. We had another great 4th of July family picnic with Sue & James, Donna & the kids, Bobby & Lisa and the Kids, plus Nola and Manne. Phyllis and I went to War Eagle for the arts and crafts fairs with Manne & Nola. A great little mini-trip even though the weather people had us completely upside-down (the rain that they promised wouldn’t occur on Saturday came in torrents.)
We are going to have a new family member very soon. Kent and Nicole are expecting, and we hope to have another little girl in the family the last week of December. We are also very thankful that Mom’s chemotherapy treatment is going very well and she has had few side effects.
In June, Manne & Nola also saw “The Lion King” musical with us. If you haven’t seen it and ever ever ever get a chance – see the show. The staging and costumes were amazing!
(Personal Disclosure: I am not and have not been involved with Disney, and am not being paid for this promotion. If you happen to be involved with Disney, Time Warner, CBS, ESPN, The New Yorker, Sony, Microsoft, Apple, AT&T, Samsung, and would like to purchase a product placement or an endorsement for future Christmas letters, please contact us. If your company is not in the above list, please send us an email describing your company and product and we will consider it.)
We’ve said more than our share of goodbyes this year. I don’t think I realized how much tragedy reached our extended circle until we started working through our Christmas letter list. As many of you know, Lorraine and Linda Magady both passed away this fall. There is so much to learn from both their examples; caring for others, kindness, the need to take every moment and enjoy it, a willingness, even desire to care for others. Linda and Lorraine were not the only losses this year, many other spouses, parents, grandparents passed away. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you this difficult holiday season.
School seems to be going well for Phyllis. I say seems because most of the time, I have no idea what she is studying - “ the vector of the cosine of the gibberish, times the square root of the gizmo, stir in two imaginary numbers and bake for 45 minutes at 270 degrees.” Is an example of what I hear when she is studying. She also developed a couple of websites in one class. (http://arapaho.nsuok.edu/%7Emagady/) was her personal web page. She also developed a web-based math lesson.
Sorry for the lateness of the Christmas Letter, it seems the earlier I start the later I finish.
Wishing You the Best this Holiday Season
Merry Christmas
Darren & Phyllis

Christmas Letters Past - 2007

2008-12-22T12:56:00.000-08:00

We wrote this poem because there just wasn’t very much drama this year. Please read out loud (preferably to someone else) with many hand gestures. The extra hamming it up improves the poem.

I’m afraid things were somewhat boring this year.
The sky has not fallen, no gall bladder grew back
Our health has been strong,
And this year we’ve suffered not a single deer attack.

I still work at Lowes, peddling appliances
While Phyllis still schools; Calc. II, Reading, and the Social Sciences.
On many Sundays I play in a wind quintet
While Phyllis studies, and cooks, and studies, and crafts, and studies…
and plays with our pets.

Phyllis is now an Alpha, a Rho and a Zeta
an Omega, a Mu and even a Theta.
So many societies joined, pins and braids amassed
At graduation General Phyllis she’ll be called
Receiving salutes when the ROTC walks past.

Our seasons were somewhat flipped this year
With an autumn arriving in early Jan,
When a new niece with bright red hair did appear
Autumn Faith Galley, the third little Galley
In Nicole and Kent’s clan.

Though things were somewhat pedestrian this year
Phyllis and I suffered a number of broken limbs,
But not of ourselves, just of our trees
When the January downpour began to freeze.

While others were without power for days, even weeks
Only one day without did Phyllis endure
I say Phyllis alone,
Since I was warm at work, not cold at home.

Though limbs cracked and broke we kept our unusual luck
For none struck house nor car nor truck.
Lucky we were though it took 12 loads or more
to remove all the debris from our old Sycamore.

Tess left us this year
Always we were her pets, She
The caring owner.

We now have a new cat, Izzy,
Isabella on a rare occasion.
She keeps Snickerdoodle great company
And has a better sense of her cat station.

Though things weren’t particularly exciting this year
A party was thrown, a fortieth anniv. party for Nola and Manne
Plotted and planned by Phyllis and Nicole and me
With an assist by Annalee… Who
Told us that wedding cake and punch was just not enough
Favors for the kids were required for the party to be up to snuff.

We surprised Manne and Nola and were surprised ourselves
For from fifty, 100, even 2000 miles away friends arrived.
Cake was eaten punch drunk and the party thrived.
Some people renewed acquaintances after many years
A day full of smiles, laughs, hugs and tears.

Earlier this year another anniversary party we did attend
To honor George and Dody, their 25 years as one.
On a beautiful Spring Sunday, blue skies, white clouds and sun.

This fall two more loved ones passed away
Phyllis’ Grandma Altom and Uncle Johnny
They will be missed.

Thanksgiving we dined at James and Sue’s,
Eating turkey and ham, pies and cookies and candies and cakes,
Dumplings and dressing and devilled eggs and oooh
did we relish our overfilled belly aches.

Phyllis finals are finished,
Our shopping (near) done,
We wish you a happy, healthy, merry, Christmas,
and a new year of fun.

Darren and Phyllis Magady

Phyllis' Donation

2008-12-22T12:51:00.000-08:00

In this tough economy, it is a great time to remind people that you can make a donation that costs no money, just a little energy and time - and can save five people. You can donate blood.

Phyllis donated for the first time last week -I have given whenever I have been healthy enough for years but Phyllis has a good-sized needle phobia. This makes her donation all the more impressive - think about your personal phobia, closed spaces, spiders, snakes, mice... imagine locking yourself in a tiny room for 20 minutes or so (or holding a spider in your hand while not moving) just to make a donation.

She made it through with flying colors (even though it did nothing for her phobia) and is planning if schedules permit to donate again in another 8 weeks.

Signs of Stupidity

2008-10-12T14:18:00.000-07:00

A few recently observed signs of stupidity:

There is a cloverleaf very near my work. Going one direction is a lot of bridge work. For unknown reasons the people doing the roadwork placed a huge pile of dirt right within one of the offramp circles of the cloverleaf. It must be 25 feet tall and twice as wide. Do you see the problem - this wonderful road crew has made it impossible to see the incoming traffic when you need to merge. So what was a reasonably safe intersection is now just horrible and dangerous... all because a few workers dumped a ton of dirt in the way.

My employer sells pressure washers, among other things. We had an individual come in - I don't call him a customer since he didn't spend money - with a receipt for renting a pressure washer. He expected us to refund him the money he paid for renting a pressure washer because he couldn't find anyone to sell him a pressure washer when he came in. Interesting, since he had no problems finding someone when he was ready to get the refund, and the pressure washers are stacked on the floor so anyone can grab them and put them on the flat carts, that were located just a few feet from the pressure washer. But he thought we would just give him $50 or $60 dollars.

What makes a waitress think that the best way to get a good tip is to tell you "You are gonna have to go slow, and you may have to repeat yourself." I understand being tired, and I understand that service industries can be exhausting, but please. We don't need bubbly, just basic friendly, attentive service.

Too Bald to Fail

2008-10-01T15:52:00.000-07:00

That said; I am incredibly concerned that John McCain is the last, best chance to have another bald President. Discounting Gerald Ford, who was never elected President or even Vice-President we have only had one tonsorially challenged President in the last 100 years, and only 4 in our country's history. Ike, the first father and son duo John Adams and John Quincy Adams, and Martin Van Buren - who had some amazing sideburns – may be the final four of Presidential baldness.

When researching Presidential baldness (mainly viewing photos, daguerreotypes and portraits on Wikipedia) I realized that great hair has controlled our country, nearly since its birth. Not just our recent Presidents – JFK, Reagan, and Clinton – but Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, and Franklin Pierce had pretty fancy hair-dos. Even more interesting and disappointing, we have had almost as many Presidents with ZZ-Top style beards as bald.

Originally I had high hopes for Obama – I just assumed he had a bald patch up top and he was waiting until after the inauguration to go to the Michael Jordan Polished Dome (let's remember that bad weather is typical for the swearing in.) Unfortunately my exhaustive search of Barak Obama's pate has been completely disappointing.

After McCain wrapped up the nomination some “thin on toppers” were excited about the possibilities for running mate. Just imagine a McCain/Thompson or even McCain/Giuliani ticket. Forget about Biden and imagine Obama/Clinton versus McCain/Thompson “Hair against the Bare!”

People talk about how Sarah Palin connects with regular people, criticize her limited knowledge of foreign policy, may or may not have commerce experience, but all the politicos fail to appreciate how she shores up McCain’s obvious hair deficiencies. Yes, Mitt has great hair, but let’s face it he is just too rich – he may have just bought it not grown it.

Many may wonder why I haven’t mentioned Joe Biden. I am afraid I have no use for his come over/hair implants. I only have on thing to say to Joe, “Be One with your Baldness.”

So here I sit as McCain’s campaign backslides wondering if this may be the last chance for a baldy. I imagine a father touring the White House with his son.

The boy turns to his father, “When I grow up I wanna be President”

“I’m sorry son,” the father bends down, tears in his eyes, and places his son’s hand on his bald head. “I’m so sorry, but people like us don’t get to be President…”

Books - The Collaborator of Bethleham

2008-09-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

I recently finished The Collaborator of Bethlehem by Matt Beynon Rees. This was a really special book, and I cannot recommend it enough. On a basic level this is a mystery set in Bethlehem. The 'detective' is a history teacher in a U.N. sponsored girl's school. A grandfather, older than his years because of a lifetime as an alchoholic, he is trying to save the life of a former student who was arrested as an Israeli collaborator who caused the death of a member of the Martyr's Brigade.

This is a small book -I read it in a small format hardcover, and it is less than 260 pages long, but it truly imbeds the reader oin the environment. I would cringe picturing the random shelling, the gangs of gun-toting 'martyrs' and tanks. It also was a good introduction to the myriad of problems in Palestine even beyond the Israeli issues. Clan loyalties clash with political loyalties, the difficulties facing the small Christian community are just two of the many difficulties.

This is a very, very good book, and I look forward to reading others by this author

Stress Test

2008-09-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

I recently went to the doctor for the euphemistically called stress test. The test is designed to give you a heart attack so doctors can decide how likely me are to have another heart attack. It would be more accurate to call it a stress adventure, something akin to scaling El Capitan or swimming the English Channel.

Since doctors originally developed the concept of over-booking (before licensing it to the airlines) I arrived for my 11am Thursday appointment on Monday morning, complete with reading material, back pack, sleeping bag, tent, iodine tablets, camp stove, and rations. Unfortunately a man much too old to still drive rolled right over my tent, camp stove, and portable game system when he misread the “Patient Drop-Off” sign, thinking it was “Patient Drive-Thru” so I was forced to really rough it.

On Friday afternoon they finally “prepped” me. The test requires 50 little electrical lines to be attached to sticky pads placed on my chest. The pads are designed to fall off if even one chest hair touches them, but will remain sealed to bare skin for up to two years. This means the prep for most men includes shaving big patches of hair off your chest.

They use really dull single use razors without any moisturizer or shaving cream. My have to wonder why Bic and Gillette spend fortunes developing new razors when there is a big market for single use, very dull, disposable razors. I imagine that somewhere in the world there is a factory dedicating to making these “ultra-dull” razors complete with a foreman shouting, “We’re not Shick! Keep those blades dull!”

After dry shaving large swaths of hair off me, the “prepper” (I, of course, was the “preppie”) found two young ladies to examine the end result. They laughed and giggled, and one mentioned something like “he looks like a dog with mange”.

Shirt off, chest hair removed, I was moved to a closet so cold that Iditarod sled dogs would stay in their tents. Cables were connected to each of the sticky pads, and it all went to a mess of electrical equipment making it impossible to escape. A technician gave me an Echo-cardiogram - sort of a pre-test - which basically means that my get lathered in really cold goo then jabbed in the ribs with a plastic rod. I was then left, without even chest hair to keep me warm.

Four hours later 10 people crammed into the room. All were dressed in Antarctic cold weather gear. The doctor told me -through his muffler - to get on the treadmill and start walking. I hadn’t noticed the treadmill before because I never expected to see a treadmill mounted on a wall.

The nurses helped me onto the treadmill, telling me “it’s okay to hold on to the rails.” Of course I’ll hold on to the railing, how else was I going to stay on this torture machine. They start it up, and there I am, death grip on the railing swinging my legs like crazy. After a couple of minutes one nurse takes my blood pressure, while another cranks up the speed.

For the next ten minutes I flail around as the treadmill keeps getting faster and faster while everyone laughs at me. Periodically the doctor asks, “How are you doing?”

I naturally reply, “Awful, You’re making me run straight up a wall.”

His response is usually “Great! They need to take your blood pressure, so you will have to let go of the ceiling tile. Then we will speed it up, okay?”

My most coherent response was “GAAAAaaa.”

After ten minutes of they ley me down. It's back on the table for a quick rubdown with more ice-cold gel so a technician can get another sonogram. What was the result of all this misery? A couple of really strange, fuzzy sonogram pictures of my heart and 20 feet of butcher paper with some little squiggles - imagine a three-year-old with a pencil and an unlimited supply of paper, a few new bald spots and an appointment to do this again in 6 months. Oh Boy!

Classified Documents

2008-09-16T06:17:00.000-07:00

A recent audit of the national archives reported that nearly a third of the 25,000 documents reclassified since 1999 should have stayed in the public domain. At the same time, other documents that have been declassified contain sensitive information that may cause more damage to national security.

From the desk of J. William Leonard, National Archives Information Security and Oversight Office:

Mondays are declassification reclassification days. We will reclassify previously declassified documents on Mondays, and only Mondays. Documents to be reclassified as secret include, but are not limited to: embarrassing intelligence information about China during the Korean War, any document containing the words “Bush” and “National Guard” in the same paragraph, any and all documents mentioning Vice-President Dick Cheney and or Halliburton and or Kellogg, Brown and Root. All documents describing technical advances, including but not limited to, nuclear power, solar power, wind power, coal power, computers, electric typewriters, manual typewriters, jet airplanes, automatic teller machines, bar-code readers should be reclassified. Also any documents mentioning the words Buy-out, sub-prime mortgage, or fiscal irresponsibility must be classified (or re-classified).

Tuesdays and Wednesdays are obscure notation days. On Wednesday and Thursday declassification and reclassification experts should make obscure confusing notes on the documents about to be declassified. The recommended notations include: Somewhat Restricted, Rather Restricted, Republican Donor Eyes Only, Democratic Donor eyes Only, Anyone not a Member of Congress, Gross, I’ll Never Tell, I know Something You Don’t Know, and Whoa This Will Really Embarrass a Few People. Stamps with the above notations are being produced and should be available by the end of the month.

Thursdays are document collection days. On Thursdays we need to contact historians, writers, and reporters that have documents that were declassified but are now reclassified. We need to collect all copies of the documents and remind the individuals in question that they may be prosecuted for mishandling of state secrets since the information they have is secret again.

Fridays are catch-up days. Friday morning everyone should do a little random reclassification work. Feel free to grab a stack of papers, a classified stamp, and have a little fun. We will use Friday afternoons to catch up on work not completed earlier in the week.

I would recommend all of you use this document as practice for the new program. Declassify it, reclassify it, add a few notations then contact your co-workers for a document collection.
One last item, the new policy will not effect our participation in the inner school outreach program. Ms Falters and her 6th grade class will be here next Wednesday and I want each student to participate in our little corner of government. Give those kids a stamp and a stack of documents. Who knows, they may be the declassification reclassification agents of the future!!!

Chicago 2008 - 580 Feet, The Sherpa's Journal

2008-08-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

Call me Darren Tenzing Norgay, Phyllis' personal Sherpa. We went up the Hancock tower which had a great view really a great view and was much more comfortable than the ferris wheel - shopped a bit in the water tower and spent several hours wandering up and down the Magnificent Mile before peeking in the Hershey store. This was a big mistake since we were hungry already. I fought down the urge to pick up a 25 lb Reeces peanut butter cup - but it was a close run thing.... can't help but wonder, how many calories do you burn lugging 25 lbs of chocolate and peanut butter around. Could there be a break even point? Carry it for 4 miles and then it's the same as a regular Reeces?

Then we made a dash back to Wrigleyville to get a picture of the stadium w/o the mob of people rain.wind etc. and made a stop at Uncle Fun — after getting turned around — Uncle Fun was one of the more bizarre stores I have ever been in, all kinds of old school bright plastic figurines, like the ones I remember at TG&Y when I grew up. Mixed in were a lot of reallly bizarre , 70’s style gadgets/post cards/ gross out gags. They were crammed all over the place, in drawers, file cabinets, everywhere. Then there were the books, some nice kids books, then there was the picture books of cat butts and the list goes on and on and on.

Stopped off at the old Marshall Fields/ Macy’s which was only about 2 blocks from our hotel, something we did not know until our trip was almost over. It had all kinds of old art-deco details and a number of incredible chandeliers. So what did we do at Macys? Bought luggage. Yes most people take luggage on trips - we aquire luggage on trips. What is a Sherpa without plenty to carry after all... If Only I had that new suitcase when we were at the Hershey store..

We dropped the suitcase off and headed to the Art Institute for one of their late evenings.., because it was free it was way too crowded and unfortunately nearly all of the Impressionist exhibits are temporarily closed — I assume because they are building the new wing and attaching it to millennium park, but still disappointing...., stopped at a Panda Express to grab a bite to eat (they have Dr. Pepper whoo-hooo!!) I don’t know why Chicago puts up occupancy signs - unless they are using a number system that I am not familiar with. As you may remember we had a seriously overfull trolley at the beginning of our stay, some overfilled Els and now we were in a restaurant that had more seating than their maximum occupancy, I assume the sign is just something they have to put up to humor the tourists.

Chicago 2008 - Wednesday - Lost Again

2008-08-28T20:37:00.000-07:00

We're lost again. Well, turned around at least. I found the right street but picked the wrong direction, pretty much every direction I choose is wrong. We ate at Mickey D’s (McDonalds at home is Mickey D's here - people refer to it as Mickey D's even some of the signage says Mickey D) instead of a local today. P & I just cannot get over the fact that everyone seems to like their jobs, or at the very least they are serious about doing a good job. Businesses just don’t tolerate lazy as much as at home, good is average and exceptional is common- I guess it comes from the frenzied pace and the fact that there are some 2.5 million other people to take the job. I know we have been near the tourist territory, but in other tourist locales we don’t often have this consistent service from so many different businesses... it helps that anyone busy has 1-3 people expediting, just working the crowd smoothing things over and making them go as quickly as possible.

We rode the trolley again, hope to do that as little as possible. Yes it is free but it also uncomfortable, very crowded and quite a wait. We went to Shedd which was also really crowded, too crowded to truly enjoy. P was pretty disappointed in it all since a lot of the displays didn’t lend themselves to the kind of crowds and we were often just trying to avoid stepping on little kids. One interesting experience, we followed a Shedd curator who was giving a special tour to a couple of foreign professionals (I want to say German but have know idea why) while they talked shop from display to display. The German aquarium people had been to several other aquariums in the United States. It was interesting listening to all of the shoptalk, even if 90% of it was way beyond our understanding, what plants, what fish would go with what, etc. It was a little disappointing to find out that there weren't a lot of grand plans - three of the stingrays that P and I liked in the Amazon rain forest display were bought at a LOCAL PET STORE! Ha Ha, it was also odd to hear that the Amazon big fish display that we and many of the patrons were oohing and aahing over was basically a dumping ground for fish that were too aggressive or were trying to breed when they didn’t want them to breed. Also the reason there were so many stingrays was because this curator was a stingray person, while they have a lot of turtles in the displays because one of her coworkers is a real turtle guy.

We went to the Adler Planetarium next, which had a few neat l exhibits. The starry sky exhibit was interesting, presenter was good, but I (barely) drifted off before an elbow brought me back. A water taxi (much quicker and easier) and on to the Architectural river cruise which was wonderful. Our guide was Michael and he went quickly so we lost quite a bit, but still learned a lot about Chicago Architecture. The modern (Van der Rohe — boooring rectangle boxes) neo-modern (Goldberg and others I think) art deco, neo-gothic, nude (buildings that is – though we did see the old playboy hotel, now the Hard Rock Hotel)and others — plus all of the buildings and views in and an opportunity to sit down for a while.

Dinner at Uno's Pizza - you place your pizza order when you put your name on the waiting list, 45 minutes to an hour later you are seated, and your pizza arrives a few minutes after.... "It takes about an hour to ccok a pizza" quoth the hostess over and over and over again - I have no idea how she kept her cool, explaining the same thing to so many people. Deep dish completely unlike the deep dish pizza we usually think of, overflowing with ingredients - it was great. After dinner we waddled back to the El to ride back to hotel. Good thing we had to do some walking or we couldn't have enjoyed the evening dessert bar at the hotel.

Chicago 2008 - Monkey Butts and Cat Buttocks

2008-08-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

After a good breakfast and a nearly uneventful trolley ride - our driver took time to make fun of a construction flag man who was flagging cars into the cones rather than away from them.

Anyway the Field museum was really something, Sue the T-Rex, gemstones, room after room of stuffed, positioned animals (fortunately virtually all prior to 1920 from the signage). I didn’t have any idea how many North American birds there were, room after room of various birds. There were displays of all kinds of animals, those you expect and animals that look just too small or too big to be what they are supposed to be.... There were a few amusing moments when we ended up following a family with three young children through the primate display. The youngest just kept pointing and saying “Monkey Butts” every time she saw a monkey butt. Siblings, parents, strangers, she was suddenly a docent specializing in the quantity and quality of monkey butt displays.
As if that wasn’t enough animal anatomy study, we came across a “spell” in the Ancient Egypt section. The spell promised, among other things that among to heal your cat. “May your Cat’s Buttocks be the as the Buttocks of the god that swims the water...” a little obscure for me, but I am sure the little girl loved it.
We then rode a water taxi from the Planetarium to the Navy Pier and took the skyline water tour. The stained glass museum – also at the Navy Pier – which was really something else, well over 100 stained glass panels of various styles and ages was great (and free) way to spend some time. After we ate, P got me on the Ferris Wheel, which was okay the first ¼ and last ¼ but the middle half was a little much. Even more frightening was the fact that the original Ferris Wheel was 100 ft taller (250 ft tall) and would hold some 1500 people at one time.
During a really crowded trolley ride I noticed with humor the 32 person maximum capacity sign — there were 22 people at our point and about 10 benches behind us plus probably 15 standing behind. We hopped off, then a quick El ride and we were back to the hotel... well not quite. We decided to stop at a CVS and pick up some bottled water and a few Dr. Peppers — I am not sure what Chicago has against Dr. Pepper but they don’t want to be a Pepper too! No Dr Pepper at the Deli in Field museum, none at the Mickey D’s at the Navy Pier (how can this be) none at the restaurant we ate at (not even that second cousin substitute Mr. Pibb). I couldn’t even find one at the little catch all stores in the Navy Pier — the ones that carry two AA batteries for $4, 20 ounce Cokes and Pepsis for $3.00 and $5.00 sticks of gum — even they couldn’t be bothered to carry the Dr.
Anyway P & I got off the El, went to the CVS and picked up what we needed, left, knowing that we were only a block or so from the hotel since we thought we knew where the hotel was in relationship to the CVS. Unfortunately we never considered that there might be two CVS stores within a block and a half of each other on either side of our hotel. So we spent our second consecutive evening wandering around the block for 20 minutes before seeing the other CVS store and finally getting our bearings. Just in case you are wondering, yes I turned left when I should have turned right - that makes up for Monday when I got lost on the other side of the same block turning right when I should have turned left.

Chicago 2008- Observations on Chicago Drivers

2008-08-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

Chicago drivers are amazing improvisers. We watched in awe of the bus/trolley/car drivers maneuvering in, around and through traffic. Near as I can tell there seem to be four pillars of Chicago driving:

1) Drive like it’s a rental and you don’t care about damage.

2) Brakes are for stopping, not slowing. Don’t tap your brakes, don’t worry about those smooth stops we non-Chicagoans learned in driver education. You know, the ones that won’t spill a drop of your coffee. Chicago style driving means abrupt, bone jarring stops. I picture former bus drivers sitting in retirement homes…. “I remember one day I had a double double -a thing of beauty. I hit the breaks just right dislocated two shoulders on one stop then popped them back in on the next stop.” While you are at it, in Chicago no one runs red lights because cross-traffic starts moving on the yellows, if you are not in the middle of the intersection by the time the light TURNS green, you are going to hear a lot of horns. This takes us to pillar 3.

3) Horns are for honking. Honk if someone doesn’t get moving soon enough, honk to let someone know you are make some absolutely ridiculous u-turn on a double-decker trolley, honk if you are letting someone in, honk if you won’t, honk at the bicyclist who pays no attention to pedestrians or autos, honk to apologize to the person you didn’t see. About the only honks you don’t hear are the long drawn out I want to irritate you to no end honks.

4) Trust that the only people on the road are both crazy enough and skilled enough to adjust to your emergency stops, sudden u-turns, occasional forays into occupied incoming traffic, sudden creative impulses that turn lanes previously used for left turns into lanes for right turns (yes turning right from the left lane). Chicago driving is all improvisation, completely different from the urban highway, pedal-to-the-metal, 80 mile-an-hour bumper-to-bumper hope no-one stops plan your exit ramp 10 miles ahead driving in other places.

Chicago Vacation 2008 - Tornadoes and Cubs

2008-08-27T17:28:00.000-07:00

Monday:

What a weird and wild ride. We arrived at the airport in plenty of time, pulled into the covered parking lot and Mr. Mangin Sun was in a golf cart. .“Follow me” and he took off, I don’t know what modifications he made to that golf cart but our poor Prius struggled to keep up. He led us to a no parking spot “No Worries, this is best spot no spots available,” loaded us into the golf cart — Phyllis choose to ride in the behind, facing backwards, and off he went.. I looked behind and her knuckles were white as can be, hair is flying backwards (forwards for her) like something out of a cartoon After he passed several cars (on the left, Phyllis said one driver’s eyes were like saucers watching us steam by) he dropped us off, shaken but in one piece at the entrance.

We checked our luggage, went through the security - I can’t help but wonder if the shoes off security walk combined with our flip-flop wearing culture is creating an athlete's foot epidemic in airports. We sat in the Southwest Airlines section and listened to the United Airlines people say how bad the weather was in Chicago and how they didn’t have any flights in or out.... Needless to say we didn’t have any problems (Go Southwest!!!). . . off the plane, walk ,walk, walk down some stairs, walk some more to get to the hotel shuttle. This is our first experience with Chicago Driving (as distinctive in it’s own way as Chicago Pizza) and Chicago gas prices ($4.59 per gallon - $1.00 more than home).

A quick turn-around at the hotel and we are off on a a very warm very crowded ride on the El (P’s first experience with a subway) only to make it Wrigley 10 minutes late (the ballgame was an ESPN Monday night game and started an hour early). Nearly all is great 5 innings in, beautiful evening and a raucus crowd, many decked out in 70's garb -a whole group of Astro's fans managed to find some of those ugly old orange uniforms - when I notice something that looks a little like rain. Next thing you know the grounds crew is rolling out the tarp while rain falls in sheets. Meanwhile everyone more than about 12 rows in front of us all the way to the front is dashing for the concourse. I bet they regret spending extra money for closer seats.

Sheets and sheets of rain, then lightning, followed by a lot of wind and severe thunderstorm warnings while we watched from under the roof. The young lady sitting next to us received a message from her mother that there was a tornado in Naperville (false). I asked how far away that was, when she said it was 30 miles I explained that she didn't need to worry - We Okies know our Tornadoes. P can't help but laugh “how do we leave Oklahoma and 100 degree weather only to run into a tornado.”

Eventually the sirens stop, then start again so we give up and enter the maelstrom of hot wet masses fighting there way to the subway station — ironically we were dry as long as we stayed at the game and wet when we tried to leave. We were quite soaked by the time we got on the train for our 20 minute ride back to the hotel.... We got off at our stop, and.... Proceeded to walk around in the rain for 20 minutes all the while knowing that our hotel was a block away, but which way — P figured out that we were on the wrong side of the street, but let me lead us the wrong way, she was wet already and figured she might as well give me a “I Told You So.”

The next morning we learned they Cubs tried but failed to get the game restarted, discovered there were 3 tornadoes in greater Chicago, one on the Indiana side, and around 300,000 people without power. What A Day.