Christmas Past - 2005

Welcome to Christmas Letter 2005
Yes Chicken Little, the Sky Really Is Falling

Greetings and Happy Holidays! It's the end of November here in Muskogee Oklahoma. It's a chilly 65 degrees (!?) and I am in our office looking out the window at one neighbor mowing their lawn while the people across the field from our backyard set up more and more 10' tall blow-ups.
First I guess I should explain the title, we need to go back to Labor Day, 2005 - forever to be known as the day Darren broke the house (no breaking a leg or a lamp isn't enough for me). Started out like any normal day, Phyllis and I picked out a new ceiling fan for our bedroom and we were installing it. Unfortunately the bracket that supported the old ceiling fan wasn't doing its job so the fan hung at quite an angle.
We couldn't take the bracket down from below so I had to go up in the attic take the old bracket down. Well I am up on the studs prying the bracket off since the adjustment screw wouldn't work either and....can you guess what happens next......
But more about that later in the letter, back to November and December. We are now decorated for Christmas with lights on the outside (care of me). On the inside, Phyllis has Christmas in every room, including (but not limited to) 3 large Christmas trees, 3 miniature trees - one in a bathroom. Other than the closets and the garage our house is Christmas central.
We had Thanksgiving at our house for the first time, 21 people total, including our new niece Ashlyn Eldridge (at 6 weeks old she didn't do much dining). We had turkey, ham, pecan pie, pumpkin pie, Oreo cookie pie, coconut cream pie, apple pie, French silk pie chocolate cake, many different cookies, candies, chocolates, mashed potatoes, chicken & dumplings, stuffing, macaroni and cheese, macaroni salad and a wonderful time was had by all.
112 trick-or-treaters came to our door this Halloween, not bad for a cold, rainy Monday (I don't know why Halloween had to be the colder than any other day before Thanksgiving). Phyllis is still plugging away at her math education degree. At this point a lot of her homework looks and sounds more like Greek (literally) than any math I remember. She no longer works at Muskogee High School since her required classes are now offered during the day. She is substitute teaching a couple days a week at the Hilldale school district.
She has also gotten a little club crazy, and is a member of the French Club, Student Educators Club, NSU Harry Potter Club, and Math Club (I think there may be a few others as well). She will be a junior at the end of spring 2006.

I guess it is time to finish our little ceiling story, where were we - oh yes, I was up in the attic removing the bent ceiling fan bracket and Phyllis was on the ladder after handing me the hammer so I could pry the bracket off when... BOOM... we have direct access from our bedroom to the attic - a nice big 4'x4' opening. I am not certain what was the funniest moment: me laying on my back trying to figure out where I was, Phyllis (who was struck by the ceiling as I came bouncing down) worried not about her injuries, or mine, but only about the fact that she would track insulation into the rest of the house if she left the room. It might have been when we looked back up in the hole to see light and thought the ceiling was on fire - it was just the flashlight that managed to stay in the attic. It may have been my strangely calm phone call to Alice & Jerry "Oh by the way I fell through the ceiling."
Alice & Jerry came to the rescue, helped us clean up the pile of insulation that was everywhere, found us a contractor who could do the repair, and Jerry patched the gaping hole in the ceiling. We can't thank the two of you enough for your help. Without you, we would likely still be alternately staring up into the hole and looking at each other,
"What do you think we should do?"
"I don't know, what do you think we should do"
"Whatever you think is best"
"No it's your call."
The room is finally completed with flat ceiling - no more popcorn texture -and crown moulding. Phyllis has even been dropping hints that I need to 'climb into the attic' and change another fixture or two, I think she wants new ceilings throughout the house.

For the first time since 2002, we have had no overnight hospital stays - though we did have three scheduled outpatients between the two of us. Still this is much better than our previous years. I guess that would explain why the local hospital announced that it was encouraging some 40 employees to take early retirement.
What else has happened... as many of you know every fall we plant a hundred or so tulip bulbs and every spring we watch them sprout then disappear as the moles dine at Chez Magady. Well this year we kept about 40 of our tulips, after all of the castor oil tricks, various chemicals, peanuts and combinations what defeated the moles? Two 99 cent pinwheels stuck in the ground scared the moles away. I don't know if it was the vibrations caused by the spinning wheel (some people's scientific theory) or the moles just thought they were aggressive attack plants, or they laughed themselves to death but the pinwheels worked. Next year we may skip the tulips and just plant pin wheels.
I hope all of have a wonderful and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Christmas Letters Past - 2006

Christmas 2006

It is time to hang the lights again. For the first time, it was actually warm as I hung Christmas lights. Initially, this seemed like quite a bonus; no stiff, frozen fingers, no wintry breezes, just outside getting some vitamin D while climbing on ladders and the roof. Unfortunately warm weather means the bugs are still out. The minor event was when I stumbled across an occupied wasp nest. There were several of the pesky critters, and even though Phyllis had charitably allowed them to live rent free they were not all that friendly.
After much whooping, waving of arms and a liberal spraying of Wasp-Be-Gone, the wasps and I came to an understanding. Ironically that wasn’t even the first insect incident of the day since I earlier met up with the king of spiders. (Okay, a spider isn’t really an insect but how could I pass up “insect incident?”) How big was the spider? Well, if you are of a certain generation you will remember the ants in an old movie called Them. If you are a Harry Potter fan, think Aragog. If neither of these help, imagine the biggest dog you have ever seen, then imagine a spider big enough to eat that dog.
Phyllis and I recently received a very nice Christmas card from former President Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter. Now I can honestly say I don’t remember the last time we heard from the Carters, but the letter they wrote was very touching (not as humorous as my Christmas letters, but we each have our specific talents).
The Carters talked a lot about some of the recent accomplishments of the Carter Center – working to defeat guinea worm and river blindness in Africa, as well as AIDS prevention in Third World countries.
While reading the letter I realized that many of you probably don’t know about our foundation: The Magady Center for Home Improvement and Technology Studies (M-FITS for short). Not having the soap box of the Carters (and being 100% privately underwritten) our foundation has a much narrower focus. For example, we are in the midst of a 3 year examination of replacement windows. Each year we replace a window then research the difference in temperature and utilities between the old window and new window. We hope to complete our study by 2009.
We are also in the middle of a 5 year study of the Toyota Prius. Our research is examining fuel economy with a specific focus on whether men or women are more successful at achieving higher better miles-per-gallon scores. Unfortunately conclusions based on the preliminary data are in dispute. Our female analyst claims that the data proves women our much more efficient drivers. The male analyst feels the data is too incomplete to make any conclusions. I (I mean the male analyst) also feel that the female analyst is using her superior math education to skew the data by creative rounding. Though the male analyst cannot prove it, but he suspects that the female analyst may be inserting something called “imaginary numbers” into the male driver’s data.
Phyllis is interested in a program on food preparation: specifically she has collected an enormous amount of data on food prep times in a ‘dated’ kitchen. She hopes to compare this data to prep times in a ‘remodeled’ kitchen and prove that the time required to prepare dinner is directly related to the age of the kitchen (newer kitchen – less cooking time).
I hope to soon produce a study of gaming systems. Many of you know that Sony, Nintendo, and Microsoft have recently released new game systems. Reviewers have examined the plusses and minuses of each system from a “playability” or “fun” perspective. I hope to examine each of the game systems from a caloric standpoint. Does one game system help you burn calories more efficiently than the others? Does one game system increase stress, while another is a stress release?
These are questions that need to be answered, problems that need to be studied, so Phyllis and I are addressing them.
*
I am happy to say we have had a pretty smooth year on the remodeling front. No disastrous ceiling fans, no big plumbing mishaps. We have new guttering and have removed the peculiar little half-wall in front.
A few things to keep in mind if you plan to do your own brick wall demolition: 1) Brick is really really heavy, especially when you are tearing stuff down then tossing it in your pickup. 2) The weight of brick is not constant – I did several studies and the sections of wall that weighed 10-15 lbs while laying in the yard were upwards of 425lbs by the time you carry them 20 feet to the pickup. 3) If your pickup is full of brick, your gas mileage will suffer. 4) If you take 1500 lbs of broken brick to the dump after it has rained, the dump will be very muddy. 5) Not only does this mean you will get muddy, but also that you will get stuck after you lighten your pickup by dumping the bricks. You then have two choices: put bricks back in your truck to add weight or convince the guy in the bulldozer – the one laughing at you– to pull you out.
Phyllis was tested for allergies this year. After some 160 sticks (Phyllis was a very very brave little girl) we discovered that Phyllis is, well, allergic to the outdoors. Her biggest reaction was to something called Russian thistle. We thought this would be okay as we weren’t planning any trips to Russia in the near future. Unfortunately we discovered that Russian thistle is one of the most common weeds in Oklahoma. Pretty much anything else that is outside– including our grass (Bermuda) and the tree in our front yard (Sycamore) – produced an allergic reaction.
We have much to be thankful for this year. We saw Tara’s graduation this summer, where Terry & Cheryl again welcomed us to their home for the graduation celebrations. Earlier we had the opportunity to see my father inducted into the Lee’s Summit High School Hall of Fame. We had another great 4th of July family picnic with Sue & James, Donna & the kids, Bobby & Lisa and the Kids, plus Nola and Manne. Phyllis and I went to War Eagle for the arts and crafts fairs with Manne & Nola. A great little mini-trip even though the weather people had us completely upside-down (the rain that they promised wouldn’t occur on Saturday came in torrents.)
We are going to have a new family member very soon. Kent and Nicole are expecting, and we hope to have another little girl in the family the last week of December. We are also very thankful that Mom’s chemotherapy treatment is going very well and she has had few side effects.
In June, Manne & Nola also saw “The Lion King” musical with us. If you haven’t seen it and ever ever ever get a chance – see the show. The staging and costumes were amazing!
(Personal Disclosure: I am not and have not been involved with Disney, and am not being paid for this promotion. If you happen to be involved with Disney, Time Warner, CBS, ESPN, The New Yorker, Sony, Microsoft, Apple, AT&T, Samsung, and would like to purchase a product placement or an endorsement for future Christmas letters, please contact us. If your company is not in the above list, please send us an email describing your company and product and we will consider it.)
We’ve said more than our share of goodbyes this year. I don’t think I realized how much tragedy reached our extended circle until we started working through our Christmas letter list. As many of you know, Lorraine and Linda Magady both passed away this fall. There is so much to learn from both their examples; caring for others, kindness, the need to take every moment and enjoy it, a willingness, even desire to care for others. Linda and Lorraine were not the only losses this year, many other spouses, parents, grandparents passed away. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you this difficult holiday season.
School seems to be going well for Phyllis. I say seems because most of the time, I have no idea what she is studying - “ the vector of the cosine of the gibberish, times the square root of the gizmo, stir in two imaginary numbers and bake for 45 minutes at 270 degrees.” Is an example of what I hear when she is studying. She also developed a couple of websites in one class. (http://arapaho.nsuok.edu/%7Emagady/) was her personal web page. She also developed a web-based math lesson.
Sorry for the lateness of the Christmas Letter, it seems the earlier I start the later I finish.
Wishing You the Best this Holiday Season
Merry Christmas
Darren & Phyllis

Christmas Letters Past - 2007

We wrote this poem because there just wasn’t very much drama this year. Please read out loud (preferably to someone else) with many hand gestures. The extra hamming it up improves the poem.

I’m afraid things were somewhat boring this year.
The sky has not fallen, no gall bladder grew back
Our health has been strong,
And this year we’ve suffered not a single deer attack.

I still work at Lowes, peddling appliances
While Phyllis still schools; Calc. II, Reading, and the Social Sciences.
On many Sundays I play in a wind quintet
While Phyllis studies, and cooks, and studies, and crafts, and studies…
and plays with our pets.

Phyllis is now an Alpha, a Rho and a Zeta
an Omega, a Mu and even a Theta.
So many societies joined, pins and braids amassed
At graduation General Phyllis she’ll be called
Receiving salutes when the ROTC walks past.

Our seasons were somewhat flipped this year
With an autumn arriving in early Jan,
When a new niece with bright red hair did appear
Autumn Faith Galley, the third little Galley
In Nicole and Kent’s clan.

Though things were somewhat pedestrian this year
Phyllis and I suffered a number of broken limbs,
But not of ourselves, just of our trees
When the January downpour began to freeze.

While others were without power for days, even weeks
Only one day without did Phyllis endure
I say Phyllis alone,
Since I was warm at work, not cold at home.





Though limbs cracked and broke we kept our unusual luck
For none struck house nor car nor truck.
Lucky we were though it took 12 loads or more
to remove all the debris from our old Sycamore.

Tess left us this year
Always we were her pets, She
The caring owner.

We now have a new cat, Izzy,
Isabella on a rare occasion.
She keeps Snickerdoodle great company
And has a better sense of her cat station.

Though things weren’t particularly exciting this year
A party was thrown, a fortieth anniv. party for Nola and Manne
Plotted and planned by Phyllis and Nicole and me
With an assist by Annalee… Who
Told us that wedding cake and punch was just not enough
Favors for the kids were required for the party to be up to snuff.

We surprised Manne and Nola and were surprised ourselves
For from fifty, 100, even 2000 miles away friends arrived.
Cake was eaten punch drunk and the party thrived.
Some people renewed acquaintances after many years
A day full of smiles, laughs, hugs and tears.

Earlier this year another anniversary party we did attend
To honor George and Dody, their 25 years as one.
On a beautiful Spring Sunday, blue skies, white clouds and sun.

This fall two more loved ones passed away
Phyllis’ Grandma Altom and Uncle Johnny
They will be missed.

Thanksgiving we dined at James and Sue’s,
Eating turkey and ham, pies and cookies and candies and cakes,
Dumplings and dressing and devilled eggs and oooh
did we relish our overfilled belly aches.


Phyllis finals are finished,
Our shopping (near) done,
We wish you a happy, healthy, merry, Christmas,
and a new year of fun.


Darren and Phyllis Magady

Phyllis' Donation

In this tough economy, it is a great time to remind people that you can make a donation that costs no money, just a little energy and time - and can save five people. You can donate blood.

Phyllis donated for the first time last week -I have given whenever I have been healthy enough for years but Phyllis has a good-sized needle phobia. This makes her donation all the more impressive - think about your personal phobia, closed spaces, spiders, snakes, mice... imagine locking yourself in a tiny room for 20 minutes or so (or holding a spider in your hand while not moving) just to make a donation.

She made it through with flying colors (even though it did nothing for her phobia) and is planning if schedules permit to donate again in another 8 weeks.

Signs of Stupidity

A few recently observed signs of stupidity:



There is a cloverleaf very near my work. Going one direction is a lot of bridge work. For unknown reasons the people doing the roadwork placed a huge pile of dirt right within one of the offramp circles of the cloverleaf. It must be 25 feet tall and twice as wide. Do you see the problem - this wonderful road crew has made it impossible to see the incoming traffic when you need to merge. So what was a reasonably safe intersection is now just horrible and dangerous... all because a few workers dumped a ton of dirt in the way.





My employer sells pressure washers, among other things. We had an individual come in - I don't call him a customer since he didn't spend money - with a receipt for renting a pressure washer. He expected us to refund him the money he paid for renting a pressure washer because he couldn't find anyone to sell him a pressure washer when he came in. Interesting, since he had no problems finding someone when he was ready to get the refund, and the pressure washers are stacked on the floor so anyone can grab them and put them on the flat carts, that were located just a few feet from the pressure washer. But he thought we would just give him $50 or $60 dollars.

What makes a waitress think that the best way to get a good tip is to tell you "You are gonna have to go slow, and you may have to repeat yourself." I understand being tired, and I understand that service industries can be exhausting, but please. We don't need bubbly, just basic friendly, attentive service.

Too Bald to Fail

That said; I am incredibly concerned that John McCain is the last, best chance to have another bald President. Discounting Gerald Ford, who was never elected President or even Vice-President we have only had one tonsorially challenged President in the last 100 years, and only 4 in our country's history. Ike, the first father and son duo John Adams and John Quincy Adams, and Martin Van Buren - who had some amazing sideburns – may be the final four of Presidential baldness.

When researching Presidential baldness (mainly viewing photos, daguerreotypes and portraits on Wikipedia) I realized that great hair has controlled our country, nearly since its birth. Not just our recent Presidents – JFK, Reagan, and Clinton – but Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, and Franklin Pierce had pretty fancy hair-dos. Even more interesting and disappointing, we have had almost as many Presidents with ZZ-Top style beards as bald.

Originally I had high hopes for Obama – I just assumed he had a bald patch up top and he was waiting until after the inauguration to go to the Michael Jordan Polished Dome (let's remember that bad weather is typical for the swearing in.) Unfortunately my exhaustive search of Barak Obama's pate has been completely disappointing.

After McCain wrapped up the nomination some “thin on toppers” were excited about the possibilities for running mate. Just imagine a McCain/Thompson or even McCain/Giuliani ticket. Forget about Biden and imagine Obama/Clinton versus McCain/Thompson “Hair against the Bare!”

People talk about how Sarah Palin connects with regular people, criticize her limited knowledge of foreign policy, may or may not have commerce experience, but all the politicos fail to appreciate how she shores up McCain’s obvious hair deficiencies. Yes, Mitt has great hair, but let’s face it he is just too rich – he may have just bought it not grown it.

Many may wonder why I haven’t mentioned Joe Biden. I am afraid I have no use for his come over/hair implants. I only have on thing to say to Joe, “Be One with your Baldness.”

So here I sit as McCain’s campaign backslides wondering if this may be the last chance for a baldy. I imagine a father touring the White House with his son.

The boy turns to his father, “When I grow up I wanna be President”

“I’m sorry son,” the father bends down, tears in his eyes, and places his son’s hand on his bald head. “I’m so sorry, but people like us don’t get to be President…”

Books - The Collaborator of Bethleham

I recently finished The Collaborator of Bethlehem by Matt Beynon Rees.  This was a really special book, and I cannot recommend it enough.  On a basic level this is a mystery set in Bethlehem.  The 'detective' is a history teacher in a U.N. sponsored girl's school.  A grandfather, older than his years because of a lifetime as an alchoholic, he is trying to save the life of a former student who was arrested as an Israeli collaborator who caused the death of a member of the Martyr's Brigade.

This is a small book -I read it in a small format hardcover, and it is less than 260 pages long, but it truly imbeds the reader oin the environment.  I would cringe picturing the random shelling, the gangs of gun-toting 'martyrs' and tanks.  It also was a good introduction to the myriad of problems in Palestine even beyond the Israeli issues.  Clan loyalties clash with political loyalties,  the difficulties facing the small Christian community are just two of the many difficulties.

This is a very, very good book, and I look forward to reading others by this author

Stress Test

I recently went to the doctor for the euphemistically called stress test. The test is designed to give you a heart attack so doctors can decide how likely me are to have another heart attack. It would be more accurate to call it a stress adventure, something akin to scaling El Capitan or swimming the English Channel.

Since doctors originally developed the concept of over-booking (before licensing it to the airlines) I arrived for my 11am Thursday appointment on Monday morning, complete with reading material, back pack, sleeping bag, tent, iodine tablets, camp stove, and rations. Unfortunately a man much too old to still drive rolled right over my tent, camp stove, and portable game system when he misread the “Patient Drop-Off” sign, thinking it was “Patient Drive-Thru” so I was forced to really rough it.

On Friday afternoon they finally “prepped” me. The test requires 50 little electrical lines to be attached to sticky pads placed on my chest. The pads are designed to fall off if even one chest hair touches them, but will remain sealed to bare skin for up to two years. This means the prep for most men includes shaving big patches of hair off your chest.

They use really dull single use razors without any moisturizer or shaving cream. My have to wonder why Bic and Gillette spend fortunes developing new razors when there is a big market for single use, very dull, disposable razors. I imagine that somewhere in the world there is a factory dedicating to making these “ultra-dull” razors complete with a foreman shouting, “We’re not Shick! Keep those blades dull!”

After dry shaving large swaths of hair off me, the “prepper” (I, of course, was the “preppie”) found two young ladies to examine the end result. They laughed and giggled, and one mentioned something like “he looks like a dog with mange”.

Shirt off, chest hair removed, I was moved to a closet so cold that Iditarod sled dogs would stay in their tents. Cables were connected to each of the sticky pads, and it all went to a mess of electrical equipment making it impossible to escape. A technician gave me an Echo-cardiogram - sort of a pre-test - which basically means that my get lathered in really cold goo then jabbed in the ribs with a plastic rod. I was then left, without even chest hair to keep me warm.

Four hours later 10 people crammed into the room. All were dressed in Antarctic cold weather gear. The doctor told me -through his muffler - to get on the treadmill and start walking. I hadn’t noticed the treadmill before because I never expected to see a treadmill mounted on a wall.

The nurses helped me onto the treadmill, telling me “it’s okay to hold on to the rails.” Of course I’ll hold on to the railing, how else was I going to stay on this torture machine. They start it up, and there I am, death grip on the railing swinging my legs like crazy. After a couple of minutes one nurse takes my blood pressure, while another cranks up the speed.

For the next ten minutes I flail around as the treadmill keeps getting faster and faster while everyone laughs at me. Periodically the doctor asks, “How are you doing?”

I naturally reply, “Awful, You’re making me run straight up a wall.”

His response is usually “Great! They need to take your blood pressure, so you will have to let go of the ceiling tile. Then we will speed it up, okay?”

My most coherent response was “GAAAAaaa.”

After ten minutes of they ley me down. It's back on the table for a quick rubdown with more ice-cold gel so a technician can get another sonogram. What was the result of all this misery? A couple of really strange, fuzzy sonogram pictures of my heart and 20 feet of butcher paper with some little squiggles - imagine a three-year-old with a pencil and an unlimited supply of paper, a few new bald spots and an appointment to do this again in 6 months. Oh Boy!

Classified Documents

A recent audit of the national archives reported that nearly a third of the 25,000 documents reclassified since 1999 should have stayed in the public domain. At the same time, other documents that have been declassified contain sensitive information that may cause more damage to national security.


From the desk of J. William Leonard, National Archives Information Security and Oversight Office:

Mondays are declassification reclassification days. We will reclassify previously declassified documents on Mondays, and only Mondays. Documents to be reclassified as secret include, but are not limited to: embarrassing intelligence information about China during the Korean War, any document containing the words “Bush” and “National Guard” in the same paragraph, any and all documents mentioning Vice-President Dick Cheney and or Halliburton and or Kellogg, Brown and Root. All documents describing technical advances, including but not limited to, nuclear power, solar power, wind power, coal power, computers, electric typewriters, manual typewriters, jet airplanes, automatic teller machines, bar-code readers should be reclassified. Also any documents mentioning the words Buy-out, sub-prime mortgage, or fiscal irresponsibility must be classified (or re-classified).

Tuesdays and Wednesdays are obscure notation days. On Wednesday and Thursday declassification and reclassification experts should make obscure confusing notes on the documents about to be declassified. The recommended notations include: Somewhat Restricted, Rather Restricted, Republican Donor Eyes Only, Democratic Donor eyes Only, Anyone not a Member of Congress, Gross, I’ll Never Tell, I know Something You Don’t Know, and Whoa This Will Really Embarrass a Few People. Stamps with the above notations are being produced and should be available by the end of the month.

Thursdays are document collection days. On Thursdays we need to contact historians, writers, and reporters that have documents that were declassified but are now reclassified. We need to collect all copies of the documents and remind the individuals in question that they may be prosecuted for mishandling of state secrets since the information they have is secret again.

Fridays are catch-up days. Friday morning everyone should do a little random reclassification work. Feel free to grab a stack of papers, a classified stamp, and have a little fun. We will use Friday afternoons to catch up on work not completed earlier in the week.

I would recommend all of you use this document as practice for the new program. Declassify it, reclassify it, add a few notations then contact your co-workers for a document collection.
One last item, the new policy will not effect our participation in the inner school outreach program. Ms Falters and her 6th grade class will be here next Wednesday and I want each student to participate in our little corner of government. Give those kids a stamp and a stack of documents. Who knows, they may be the declassification reclassification agents of the future!!!

Chicago 2008 - 580 Feet, The Sherpa's Journal

Call me Darren Tenzing Norgay, Phyllis' personal Sherpa. We went up the Hancock tower which had a great view really a great view and was much more comfortable than the ferris wheel - shopped a bit in the water tower and spent several hours wandering up and down the Magnificent Mile before peeking in the Hershey store. This was a big mistake since we were hungry already. I fought down the urge to pick up a 25 lb Reeces peanut butter cup - but it was a close run thing.... can't help but wonder, how many calories do you burn lugging 25 lbs of chocolate and peanut butter around. Could there be a break even point? Carry it for 4 miles and then it's the same as a regular Reeces?



Then we made a dash back to Wrigleyville to get a picture of the stadium w/o the mob of people rain.wind etc. and made a stop at Uncle Fun — after getting turned around — Uncle Fun was one of the more bizarre stores I have ever been in, all kinds of old school bright plastic figurines, like the ones I remember at TG&Y when I grew up. Mixed in were a lot of reallly bizarre , 70’s style gadgets/post cards/ gross out gags. They were crammed all over the place, in drawers, file cabinets, everywhere. Then there were the books, some nice kids books, then there was the picture books of cat butts and the list goes on and on and on.



Stopped off at the old Marshall Fields/ Macy’s which was only about 2 blocks from our hotel, something we did not know until our trip was almost over. It had all kinds of old art-deco details and a number of incredible chandeliers. So what did we do at Macys? Bought luggage. Yes most people take luggage on trips - we aquire luggage on trips. What is a Sherpa without plenty to carry after all... If Only I had that new suitcase when we were at the Hershey store..



We dropped the suitcase off and headed to the Art Institute for one of their late evenings.., because it was free it was way too crowded and unfortunately nearly all of the Impressionist exhibits are temporarily closed — I assume because they are building the new wing and attaching it to millennium park, but still disappointing...., stopped at a Panda Express to grab a bite to eat (they have Dr. Pepper whoo-hooo!!) I don’t know why Chicago puts up occupancy signs - unless they are using a number system that I am not familiar with. As you may remember we had a seriously overfull trolley at the beginning of our stay, some overfilled Els and now we were in a restaurant that had more seating than their maximum occupancy, I assume the sign is just something they have to put up to humor the tourists.

Chicago 2008 - Wednesday - Lost Again

We're lost again. Well, turned around at least. I found the right street but picked the wrong direction, pretty much every direction I choose is wrong. We ate at Mickey D’s (McDonalds at home is Mickey D's here - people refer to it as Mickey D's even some of the signage says Mickey D) instead of a local today. P & I just cannot get over the fact that everyone seems to like their jobs, or at the very least they are serious about doing a good job. Businesses just don’t tolerate lazy as much as at home, good is average and exceptional is common- I guess it comes from the frenzied pace and the fact that there are some 2.5 million other people to take the job. I know we have been near the tourist territory, but in other tourist locales we don’t often have this consistent service from so many different businesses... it helps that anyone busy has 1-3 people expediting, just working the crowd smoothing things over and making them go as quickly as possible.

We rode the trolley again, hope to do that as little as possible. Yes it is free but it also uncomfortable, very crowded and quite a wait. We went to Shedd which was also really crowded, too crowded to truly enjoy. P was pretty disappointed in it all since a lot of the displays didn’t lend themselves to the kind of crowds and we were often just trying to avoid stepping on little kids. One interesting experience, we followed a Shedd curator who was giving a special tour to a couple of foreign professionals (I want to say German but have know idea why) while they talked shop from display to display. The German aquarium people had been to several other aquariums in the United States. It was interesting listening to all of the shoptalk, even if 90% of it was way beyond our understanding, what plants, what fish would go with what, etc. It was a little disappointing to find out that there weren't a lot of grand plans - three of the stingrays that P and I liked in the Amazon rain forest display were bought at a LOCAL PET STORE! Ha Ha, it was also odd to hear that the Amazon big fish display that we and many of the patrons were oohing and aahing over was basically a dumping ground for fish that were too aggressive or were trying to breed when they didn’t want them to breed. Also the reason there were so many stingrays was because this curator was a stingray person, while they have a lot of turtles in the displays because one of her coworkers is a real turtle guy.


We went to the Adler Planetarium next, which had a few neat l exhibits. The starry sky exhibit was interesting, presenter was good, but I (barely) drifted off before an elbow brought me back. A water taxi (much quicker and easier) and on to the Architectural river cruise which was wonderful. Our guide was Michael and he went quickly so we lost quite a bit, but still learned a lot about Chicago Architecture. The modern (Van der Rohe — boooring rectangle boxes) neo-modern (Goldberg and others I think) art deco, neo-gothic, nude (buildings that is – though we did see the old playboy hotel, now the Hard Rock Hotel)and others — plus all of the buildings and views in and an opportunity to sit down for a while.



Dinner at Uno's Pizza - you place your pizza order when you put your name on the waiting list, 45 minutes to an hour later you are seated, and your pizza arrives a few minutes after.... "It takes about an hour to ccok a pizza" quoth the hostess over and over and over again - I have no idea how she kept her cool, explaining the same thing to so many people. Deep dish completely unlike the deep dish pizza we usually think of, overflowing with ingredients - it was great. After dinner we waddled back to the El to ride back to hotel. Good thing we had to do some walking or we couldn't have enjoyed the evening dessert bar at the hotel.

Chicago 2008 - Monkey Butts and Cat Buttocks

After a good breakfast and a nearly uneventful trolley ride - our driver took time to make fun of a construction flag man who was flagging cars into the cones rather than away from them.

Anyway the Field museum was really something, Sue the T-Rex, gemstones, room after room of stuffed, positioned animals (fortunately virtually all prior to 1920 from the signage). I didn’t have any idea how many North American birds there were, room after room of various birds. There were displays of all kinds of animals, those you expect and animals that look just too small or too big to be what they are supposed to be.... There were a few amusing moments when we ended up following a family with three young children through the primate display. The youngest just kept pointing and saying “Monkey Butts” every time she saw a monkey butt. Siblings, parents, strangers, she was suddenly a docent specializing in the quantity and quality of monkey butt displays.
As if that wasn’t enough animal anatomy study, we came across a “spell” in the Ancient Egypt section. The spell promised, among other things that among to heal your cat. “May your Cat’s Buttocks be the as the Buttocks of the god that swims the water...” a little obscure for me, but I am sure the little girl loved it.
We then rode a water taxi from the Planetarium to the Navy Pier and took the skyline water tour. The stained glass museum – also at the Navy Pier – which was really something else, well over 100 stained glass panels of various styles and ages was great (and free) way to spend some time. After we ate, P got me on the Ferris Wheel, which was okay the first ¼ and last ¼ but the middle half was a little much. Even more frightening was the fact that the original Ferris Wheel was 100 ft taller (250 ft tall) and would hold some 1500 people at one time.
During a really crowded trolley ride I noticed with humor the 32 person maximum capacity sign — there were 22 people at our point and about 10 benches behind us plus probably 15 standing behind. We hopped off, then a quick El ride and we were back to the hotel... well not quite. We decided to stop at a CVS and pick up some bottled water and a few Dr. Peppers — I am not sure what Chicago has against Dr. Pepper but they don’t want to be a Pepper too! No Dr Pepper at the Deli in Field museum, none at the Mickey D’s at the Navy Pier (how can this be) none at the restaurant we ate at (not even that second cousin substitute Mr. Pibb). I couldn’t even find one at the little catch all stores in the Navy Pier — the ones that carry two AA batteries for $4, 20 ounce Cokes and Pepsis for $3.00 and $5.00 sticks of gum — even they couldn’t be bothered to carry the Dr.
Anyway P & I got off the El, went to the CVS and picked up what we needed, left, knowing that we were only a block or so from the hotel since we thought we knew where the hotel was in relationship to the CVS. Unfortunately we never considered that there might be two CVS stores within a block and a half of each other on either side of our hotel. So we spent our second consecutive evening wandering around the block for 20 minutes before seeing the other CVS store and finally getting our bearings. Just in case you are wondering, yes I turned left when I should have turned right - that makes up for Monday when I got lost on the other side of the same block turning right when I should have turned left.

Chicago 2008- Observations on Chicago Drivers

Chicago drivers are amazing improvisers. We watched in awe of the bus/trolley/car drivers maneuvering in, around and through traffic. Near as I can tell there seem to be four pillars of Chicago driving:

1) Drive like it’s a rental and you don’t care about damage.

2) Brakes are for stopping, not slowing. Don’t tap your brakes, don’t worry about those smooth stops we non-Chicagoans learned in driver education. You know, the ones that won’t spill a drop of your coffee. Chicago style driving means abrupt, bone jarring stops. I picture former bus drivers sitting in retirement homes…. “I remember one day I had a double double -a thing of beauty. I hit the breaks just right dislocated two shoulders on one stop then popped them back in on the next stop.” While you are at it, in Chicago no one runs red lights because cross-traffic starts moving on the yellows, if you are not in the middle of the intersection by the time the light TURNS green, you are going to hear a lot of horns. This takes us to pillar 3.

3) Horns are for honking. Honk if someone doesn’t get moving soon enough, honk to let someone know you are make some absolutely ridiculous u-turn on a double-decker trolley, honk if you are letting someone in, honk if you won’t, honk at the bicyclist who pays no attention to pedestrians or autos, honk to apologize to the person you didn’t see. About the only honks you don’t hear are the long drawn out I want to irritate you to no end honks.

4) Trust that the only people on the road are both crazy enough and skilled enough to adjust to your emergency stops, sudden u-turns, occasional forays into occupied incoming traffic, sudden creative impulses that turn lanes previously used for left turns into lanes for right turns (yes turning right from the left lane). Chicago driving is all improvisation, completely different from the urban highway, pedal-to-the-metal, 80 mile-an-hour bumper-to-bumper hope no-one stops plan your exit ramp 10 miles ahead driving in other places.

Chicago Vacation 2008 - Tornadoes and Cubs

Monday:

What a weird and wild ride. We arrived at the airport in plenty of time, pulled into the covered parking lot and Mr. Mangin Sun was in a golf cart. .“Follow me” and he took off, I don’t know what modifications he made to that golf cart but our poor Prius struggled to keep up. He led us to a no parking spot “No Worries, this is best spot no spots available,” loaded us into the golf cart — Phyllis choose to ride in the behind, facing backwards, and off he went.. I looked behind and her knuckles were white as can be, hair is flying backwards (forwards for her) like something out of a cartoon After he passed several cars (on the left, Phyllis said one driver’s eyes were like saucers watching us steam by) he dropped us off, shaken but in one piece at the entrance.

We checked our luggage, went through the security - I can’t help but wonder if the shoes off security walk combined with our flip-flop wearing culture is creating an athlete's foot epidemic in airports. We sat in the Southwest Airlines section and listened to the United Airlines people say how bad the weather was in Chicago and how they didn’t have any flights in or out.... Needless to say we didn’t have any problems (Go Southwest!!!). . . off the plane, walk ,walk, walk down some stairs, walk some more to get to the hotel shuttle. This is our first experience with Chicago Driving (as distinctive in it’s own way as Chicago Pizza) and Chicago gas prices ($4.59 per gallon - $1.00 more than home).

A quick turn-around at the hotel and we are off on a a very warm very crowded ride on the El (P’s first experience with a subway) only to make it Wrigley 10 minutes late (the ballgame was an ESPN Monday night game and started an hour early). Nearly all is great 5 innings in, beautiful evening and a raucus crowd, many decked out in 70's garb -a whole group of Astro's fans managed to find some of those ugly old orange uniforms - when I notice something that looks a little like rain. Next thing you know the grounds crew is rolling out the tarp while rain falls in sheets. Meanwhile everyone more than about 12 rows in front of us all the way to the front is dashing for the concourse. I bet they regret spending extra money for closer seats.

Sheets and sheets of rain, then lightning, followed by a lot of wind and severe thunderstorm warnings while we watched from under the roof. The young lady sitting next to us received a message from her mother that there was a tornado in Naperville (false). I asked how far away that was, when she said it was 30 miles I explained that she didn't need to worry - We Okies know our Tornadoes. P can't help but laugh “how do we leave Oklahoma and 100 degree weather only to run into a tornado.”

Eventually the sirens stop, then start again so we give up and enter the maelstrom of hot wet masses fighting there way to the subway station — ironically we were dry as long as we stayed at the game and wet when we tried to leave. We were quite soaked by the time we got on the train for our 20 minute ride back to the hotel.... We got off at our stop, and.... Proceeded to walk around in the rain for 20 minutes all the while knowing that our hotel was a block away, but which way — P figured out that we were on the wrong side of the street, but let me lead us the wrong way, she was wet already and figured she might as well give me a “I Told You So.”

The next morning we learned they Cubs tried but failed to get the game restarted, discovered there were 3 tornadoes in greater Chicago, one on the Indiana side, and around 300,000 people without power. What A Day.