Too Bald to Fail

That said; I am incredibly concerned that John McCain is the last, best chance to have another bald President. Discounting Gerald Ford, who was never elected President or even Vice-President we have only had one tonsorially challenged President in the last 100 years, and only 4 in our country's history. Ike, the first father and son duo John Adams and John Quincy Adams, and Martin Van Buren - who had some amazing sideburns – may be the final four of Presidential baldness.

When researching Presidential baldness (mainly viewing photos, daguerreotypes and portraits on Wikipedia) I realized that great hair has controlled our country, nearly since its birth. Not just our recent Presidents – JFK, Reagan, and Clinton – but Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, and Franklin Pierce had pretty fancy hair-dos. Even more interesting and disappointing, we have had almost as many Presidents with ZZ-Top style beards as bald.

Originally I had high hopes for Obama – I just assumed he had a bald patch up top and he was waiting until after the inauguration to go to the Michael Jordan Polished Dome (let's remember that bad weather is typical for the swearing in.) Unfortunately my exhaustive search of Barak Obama's pate has been completely disappointing.

After McCain wrapped up the nomination some “thin on toppers” were excited about the possibilities for running mate. Just imagine a McCain/Thompson or even McCain/Giuliani ticket. Forget about Biden and imagine Obama/Clinton versus McCain/Thompson “Hair against the Bare!”

People talk about how Sarah Palin connects with regular people, criticize her limited knowledge of foreign policy, may or may not have commerce experience, but all the politicos fail to appreciate how she shores up McCain’s obvious hair deficiencies. Yes, Mitt has great hair, but let’s face it he is just too rich – he may have just bought it not grown it.

Many may wonder why I haven’t mentioned Joe Biden. I am afraid I have no use for his come over/hair implants. I only have on thing to say to Joe, “Be One with your Baldness.”

So here I sit as McCain’s campaign backslides wondering if this may be the last chance for a baldy. I imagine a father touring the White House with his son.

The boy turns to his father, “When I grow up I wanna be President”

“I’m sorry son,” the father bends down, tears in his eyes, and places his son’s hand on his bald head. “I’m so sorry, but people like us don’t get to be President…”